Hello hot-flashes and Goodbye Mothers Day!

I sat down yesterday and tried to write a post for Mothers Day, but it just wasn't in me.

I took my last dose of Letrozole yesterday, so I was definitely feeling emotional and slightly tearful at the tiniest things, I could also feel the hot flashes setting in, lol. They are no where near as bad as Clomid hot-flashes. Today is CD 8 and I'm already lost in thought when it comes to this 3rd IUI. I can't believe we are here again.

Come on Right Ovary. . . I will pull all of my hair out if you do not work with me  You can do this!!

Every year we host a Mothers Day Lunch at the Hotel I work for, so I was pretty busy and happily distracted throughout most of the day. I was glad to work. When I got to work it was still kind of quiet so I stepped outside and called my Grandmother to wish her a Happy Mothers Day!! She did raise me after all, and I own my life to that woman for taking me in when my own parents no longer wanted me. I then called my Mother and then my Mother In-law!! My Mom was dead asleep and Sheila didn't answer, so I wound up leaving a message. Making my rounds of Mother's Day calls this year was fairly painless. I worked, made my calls, watched the series finale of Desperate Housewives *sniff sniff*, and last but not least, the season finale of Survivor!! I was jumping back and forth for two hours trying to catch bits and pieces of each show, lol. I enjoyed myself and I'm so thankful, that I made it through in one piece!!

In all honesty - I tried not to think about it. . .  "It"  being Mothers Day. . .

I didn't think "how unfair" or say "I'm so sad" or "I hate this day" I just didn't think or speak about it as best as I possibly could. There were a few moments where I teared up looking at other peoples Facebook posts, pictures of flowers or pictures out to lunch with their little ones, but over all I survived the day, and I feel proud of myself!! I waited until I got home from work before sending out the mass "Happy Mothers Day!!" text to all my cousins and friends. For some reason it felt more difficult to send out that text, I'm not really sure why. I didn't have enough in me to send out personalized texts for each person, but hey at least I made the effort, right? 

Josh and I were catching up on a few shows when I sent out the Mothers Day text. . . He asked me if Mothers Day was hard for me. I was surprised that he asked and I told him "Kind of". I quickly spit out a few more words to let him know I was okay and trying not to let it bother me. In that moment, I could have broken down immedeatly and really, really cried, but I wanted him to see that I was strong, and that I'd be okay, because I was, it was just another day. I then mumbled that I was trying not to think about it, and the conversation was over. I felt happy that he asked me, that he acknowledged the fact that this day "might" be hard for me.

I was super surprised that my cousin Maddie text back with " You too, darling I love you". 

I cried. . . She was the only person other than Josh, that said anything to me about Mothers Day, acknowledged me, or even thought of me, it touched my heart in a way that I can't explain ♥ The tears I cried were short and sweet. It felt really nice knowing my cousin took a moment and realized that this day was hard for me and that it, is not always a day of celebration, but sometimes it is a day to mourn. And her simple text made all the difference in my day, and I love her so very much for that. It made me feel like all the pain in my heart was softened every so slightly, that everything I've been through has been real, and not just in my head. I may not be a Mother with a baby in my arms, but I have babies in my heart that I will never, ever get to hold. . . I was a Mother the moment I had to grieve the loss of life my husband and I created together *sigh*.

My heart wants to mother things more than anything in this world. When I was a kid and played "house" with my cousins, I was always the Mom. I've always wanted to be a Mother, always, deep down inside. I didn't get to grow up with my Mother, so I feel sometimes that I missed out on something very important in my life. I feel like having my own child will allow me a peek into a world I never understood. . . 

Happy Mothers Day to all of you awesome Moms ♥
 And . . .
Happy Mothers Day to all you Ladies in waiting ♥

Happy Mother's Day!

Mother's day is tomorrow, well actually it's today because it is already about 2am, so for me tomorrow begins when I wake up haha. Mother's Day is always hard for me on the inside but I just have to suck it up and say "It's only one day". For any of you infertile ladies out there... Don't let this day be torturous. We already put ourselves through enough stress. Yes, it sucks but listen to this song, dry your eyes and go wish someone a Happy Mother's day with a genuine smile on your face!! I found this song tonight and it made me cry lol... It's exactly the way I feel on my bad days. Just remember that not everyday is a bad day ♥

Happy Mother's day to all you Momma's out there!
I hope you all have a very blessed day with lots of love.

PS... don't wish your infertile friends Happy Mother's day, it's extremely sweet but totally not needed!


"So hard" - Dixie Chicks