Beta Results for IUI #2

Thank you to everyone for the amazing support, comments, advice, sweet thoughts, crossed fingers, positive vibes and hugs that were sent my way - You all truly helped me get through this week of *infertility torture* - Thank you from the bottom of my heart ♥


Since the *faint line* catastrophe, I've been living on the edge of my emotions, and my poor Pnut has been hiding in my shadows trying to avoid the *Crito Craziness* It has not been fun, nor easy, but I'm glad to get off this ride, at least for now.

Beta was Negative

I feel a huge amount of sadness, frustration, anger and best of all, relief!!!

*sigh*

The last few days have been emotionally torturous. Yes I know that sounds extremely dramatic, but it is the freaking truth. . . and anyone on the "IF" journey can attest to what I'm talking about. Waiting is draining. Investing your money and emotions is draining. Having it not work in the end is even more draining. Infertility alone is draining. Uggggg.

AF has not officially arrived, so I do not yet know where we go from here. We most likely won't be doing treatment for April since my left side is about as useful as a shredded up dollar bill. I will call the Fertility office when AF arrives and Dr. Laura and I will come up with a plan of action. I feel angry that this IUI didn't work, I feel like we put so much into it, errrrr. . . But I feel grateful that we will hopefully be able to do it again soon. The next time I will request a a trigger shot so that there is absolutely no confusion about my LH Surge, it will make me feel a lot better. I will also never buy the Walgreens brand blue dye/pregnancy tests... I will admit that if felt kinda nice to *think* I was pregnant for a day. Oh well. . . I'm going to enjoy April and try to not be such a hermit, I'm also going to have a huge glass of wine tonight, because not only do I deserve it, I need it more than you know.

Have a fabulous weekend everyone, and I promise to catch up on everyone's blogs, I've been a bad blogger and got behind this week. I plan to catch up on Sunday

Beta Vlog!!

#2 Beta is 372 :)

My Beta was great!! It went from 123 ---> 372 *sigh* I'm super happy, and Josh was very happy too! He pretty much sat there and stared at me the whole time I was on the phone with Coral, hehe. Just knowing the number went up gives us a great deal of hope! Our first Sonogram is on October 11th, it will mainly be to check the location of the sac. I'll be 6 weeks on that day, Eeek! Wow, it's still crazy to me. We are still being optimistic, and understand that anything could happen at this point, we are cautious yet so, soo happy! I continue to pee every hour on the hour in the mornings, and frequently throughout the day. lol

I am sad to report that Josh's Papa passed away this morning. I'm so grateful we had those moments with him... He will always be missed, and thought highly of, for generations to come <3
In the words of my Brother In-law - Joaquin Torrans:

Jug passed away this morning from a tumorous cancer near his spinal cord. He is survived by his wife, Gloria, their daughters, Irene, Sheila, and Kate, their husbands, Vernon, Bart, and Mark, 6 grandchildren, and 9 great-grandchildren.

Jug was a descendent of Jacob Ryan, town father of Lake Charles, LA, where Jug was born, lived, and raised his family. A World War II veteran, Jug worked thirty years for PPG.

Surrounded by family and friends, Jug met his end with dignity, in the home he and his wife shared for most of their married life.

Rest in peace, Papa Ryan <3

Beta - No, not the fish.

"It's Fucking Positive" <---- Yesss, I know it's such bad language, but those were my exact words, and I feel that when you've waited as long as I have for this, you deserve to drop a few F-Bombs here and there. lol I'm Pregnant!! It's crazy and still feels unreal... *****If you read this blog, and/or are on my Facebook, please do not make any comments on my page or wall - It's means a lot*****

Some may ask why I'm blogging so early about this and the truth is... I choose to share here, because I honestly only have a few followers, I like to blog in real time (when things actually happen), just in-case things don't go smoothly, I still capture the realness of my life in blog-form. Plus, I can't not blog about this... my life is being written right now, and that is the beauty of my blog - It is real, honest, and a little raw sometimes! Since I do have people that have been reading, and following, I didn't want to leave anyone hanging. I truly appreciate everyone's support through this journey! We've told our closest family, and a few close friends. (If you have not been told verbally and see it here I'm sorry- please don't take offense) It's hard trying to keep this a secret since everyone has been following along in our journey, and everyone pretty much knows when I start these days, lol! We are so happy and so freaking excited ♥

:How it went down:

I pulled up my big girl panties, and peed on the stick yesterday (27th & The Hub's Birthday) morning. I woke up at about 7:15 in the morning, got up to go pee, Josh was stumbling into the bathroom as I was stumbling out. He looked at my hand, and said "What's that"? I mumbled half asleep "The stupid pregnancy test, I'm going to set it on the dresser and wait" So there I am, sitting on our hotel room's chaise lounge, sitting as far away from the test as possible, thinking the worst lol. Josh is on the "John", I try to wait, but get so anxious that I can't wait any longer! I walk up to the dresser like I'm ready to fight it, I look down, see two lines, my mouth drops, my heart may have even skipped a beat - I am in complete shock, I feel elated, and nervous. Finally after 6 years we see a faint line, where I've for so long seen absolutely nothing. I starred at the test, put it up to the lamp to make sure I wasn't just seeing it in my head... I opened the bathroom door, shove my arm in with the test in hand, and scream "It's fucking positive" I can see Josh in the mirror, he looks confused... Then he laughed, and repeated my words to his self "it's fucking positive", he looked about as shocked, and surprised as I did. After barging in on him I went back to the chaise lounge, only this time I had the test right in front of me on the table... I just sat there and cried the happiest tears I have ever cried. When he came out of the bathroom, he looked at it more then gave me a huge hug :)



We are still in shock; a happy shock in all, but now we've moved on from the excited shock to the nervous two week wait that now begins. In about two weeks maybe a few days sooner, I'll go in for a sonogram to check and see if we can see the sac in the uterus, and make sure it's not in a tube or elsewhere :/ That would be devastating. I'm considered a very high risk for an ectopic pregnancy, so right now I don't think we'll be able to fully breath until we can see where it is... This morning I went in to the Fertility office at 9am, to get my first Beta/HCG test. It was great because Coral just got new pregnancy tests in, and offered to let me be a guinea pig and test them out for free, hehehe. All three, two urinary, and 1 blood test, came out positive!!! On Friday morning I'll go back into the office, and have the test (Beta/HCG) done again (48 hours later). They want to make sure the number doubles from today. Eeeek! I still can't believe I'm even typing this... I feel like an "impostor", hehe. The second test will let them know that it's progressing the right way, that cells are dividing, and it will also kind of helps us determine if it's in the right location...if the number doesn't change. I'm so happy, and so darn nervous that I could once again, throw up, hahaha.

Jenica just called --- Eeeeek!!! My BETA is 123... I asked if that was good, she said "That's fantastic" *sigh* My heart, and brain are on cloud nine - ♥