Thank you to everyone for the amazing support, comments, advice, sweet thoughts, crossed fingers, positive vibes and hugs that were sent my way - You all truly helped me get through this week of *infertility torture* - Thank you from the bottom of my heart ♥
Since the *faint line* catastrophe, I've been living on the edge of my emotions, and my poor Pnut has been hiding in my shadows trying to avoid the *Crito Craziness* It has not been fun, nor easy, but I'm glad to get off this ride, at least for now.
Beta was Negative
I feel a huge amount of sadness, frustration, anger and best of all, relief!!!
*sigh*
The last few days have been emotionally torturous. Yes I know that sounds extremely dramatic, but it is the freaking truth. . . and anyone on the "IF" journey can attest to what I'm talking about. Waiting is draining. Investing your money and emotions is draining. Having it not work in the end is even more draining. Infertility alone is draining. Uggggg.
AF has not officially arrived, so I do not yet know where we go from here. We most likely won't be doing treatment for April since my left side is about as useful as a shredded up dollar bill. I will call the Fertility office when AF arrives and Dr. Laura and I will come up with a plan of action. I feel angry that this IUI didn't work, I feel like we put so much into it, errrrr. . . But I feel grateful that we will hopefully be able to do it again soon. The next time I will request a a trigger shot so that there is absolutely no confusion about my LH Surge, it will make me feel a lot better. I will also never buy the Walgreens brand blue dye/pregnancy tests... I will admit that if felt kinda nice to *think* I was pregnant for a day. Oh well. . . I'm going to enjoy April and try to not be such a hermit, I'm also going to have a huge glass of wine tonight, because not only do I deserve it, I need it more than you know.
Since the *faint line* catastrophe, I've been living on the edge of my emotions, and my poor Pnut has been hiding in my shadows trying to avoid the *Crito Craziness* It has not been fun, nor easy, but I'm glad to get off this ride, at least for now.
Beta was Negative
I feel a huge amount of sadness, frustration, anger and best of all, relief!!!
*sigh*
The last few days have been emotionally torturous. Yes I know that sounds extremely dramatic, but it is the freaking truth. . . and anyone on the "IF" journey can attest to what I'm talking about. Waiting is draining. Investing your money and emotions is draining. Having it not work in the end is even more draining. Infertility alone is draining. Uggggg.
AF has not officially arrived, so I do not yet know where we go from here. We most likely won't be doing treatment for April since my left side is about as useful as a shredded up dollar bill. I will call the Fertility office when AF arrives and Dr. Laura and I will come up with a plan of action. I feel angry that this IUI didn't work, I feel like we put so much into it, errrrr. . . But I feel grateful that we will hopefully be able to do it again soon. The next time I will request a a trigger shot so that there is absolutely no confusion about my LH Surge, it will make me feel a lot better. I will also never buy the Walgreens brand blue dye/pregnancy tests... I will admit that if felt kinda nice to *think* I was pregnant for a day. Oh well. . . I'm going to enjoy April and try to not be such a hermit, I'm also going to have a huge glass of wine tonight, because not only do I deserve it, I need it more than you know.
Have a fabulous weekend everyone, and I promise to catch up on everyone's blogs, I've been a bad blogger and got behind this week. I plan to catch up on Sunday
Beta Vlog!!
So sorry crystal. Heartbroken for you.
ReplyDeleteInfertility sucks ass. Yes, ass. I wish things were better for you. Enjoy your April break!
ReplyDeleteOh, honey... I'm so sorry. Big hugs!!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry Crystal. FYI - when I test at home (which isn't often) I only use FRERs. They are worth a little extra $$ because of reliability. Blue dye tests are notorious for false positives. xoxo
ReplyDeleteOh no I am so sorry, I really thought this was going to happen for you this cycle. Last night there was a quote in the movie The Hunger Games about quote and it was something like "a litle bit of hope is a good thing, but a lot of hope is dangerous" that seems so true in all of our situations right now. Hope the tests allowed you a little bit of sleep last night and you don't have to take April off! Good luck, thinking of you...
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ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry to hear your news. F those blue dye tests! Enjoy your month off. Hugs coming your way!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry your IUI didn't work :( You've totally hit the nail on the head with this post. IF is an incredibly draining experience, physically, emotionally, and financially. Blah. Do something nice for yourself this weekend, and try to rest up for the next charge up that mountain.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry it didn't work out. Stupid IF. I want to kick it's ass.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. This journey is such a long tough road and I am so hopeful for you that May will work. But in the mean time, I hope you find your sense of hope and reenergize. Sending thoughts.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry :( your in my thoughts and prayers!
ReplyDeleteOh Crystal, I'm so sorry. I can relate to your relief, though--at least you know for sure. I'm just getting caught up on blog reading and saw your Walmart pg test. It totally, completely looked like a line to me. Ugh, what an awful rollercoaster this must have been for you. The trigger shot sounds like a good idea. Sending you a hug!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry girl! IF sucks big time!! I think you're really smart to ask for the trigger shot, that will really help with the timing and take some pressure off of you to figure out your surge. Way to be proactive for yourself! You are one strong lady, I'll be thinking of you as you move forward with this next cycle! =)
ReplyDeleteIF is misery, I totally understand that feeling of relief that comes from just being certain about what your body has or hasn't done. You get to the point through all this that good or bad the certainty is priceless. Enjoy that wine! Bottle, glass whatever you need.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry, good luck!
ReplyDeleteSo sorry it was negative. Hope AF shows up soon.
ReplyDeleteOh dear! I'm so sorry. I was so much hoping this would be your turn!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry sugarplum. :( Bottoms up (for now at least).
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry. I was hoping so hard the blue test problems weren't true. I think asking for the trigger shot is a great idea. Take this month to really take care of you. Hugz!
ReplyDeleteSo sorry it was negative. :(
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to hear of your sad news! I remember how sad I was when our IUIs didn't work. We were so hopeful as well. I'll be following your journey (new to your blog) and be rooting for that this next one works.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry Crystal. I understand the relief of knowing for sure but it's still very hard to know that things didn't work. But keep your head up and drink lotsa wine :) You DO deserve it girl! Thinking of you and sending big hugs xx
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your story. I sympathize with what you're going through, endo and all. I did 3 IUIs but all failed. My husband and I avoided IVF because I knew in my heart I would not have been able to handle the miscarriages I was predicted to have if I proceeded. It takes a lot of courage to keep going and you should pat yourself on the back for it. Best of luck and I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you.
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