Sometimes you want to pull your hair out.

No IUI this month :|

*sigh*

Here is the short...

Yesterday was not that great *sad face*.

Love wise it was wonderful. I'm blessed with a fabulous Husband who cooks me amazing food ♥ We never got to have our picnic the other day, because it was freezing outside, but he cooked steak on the grill which was even better! All year I've bitched about not having a winter and then suddenly out of no where, she decided to stop being so damn shy. We'll do a picnic next month perhaps... maybe around my Birthday

Any-who. . .

Fertility wise - Yesterday sucked. I cried on my way home from work, uggg. I went to my appointment at 12:15 made it back to work by 1:20. Thankfully it was so busy that I didn't have time to be emotional about anything. So as soon as I got in the car to go home everything flooded my brain, and I cried a river in my car.

Let's just say I'll be getting another CA-125 test done, because the mass/blood sausage in my baby-making-oven is just too big for its own britches, meaning it is getting so large and awkward looking that surgery might have to happen anyway. Eeerrrrrrr. They want to make sure it has not turned into ovarian cancer, so they are doing the CA-125 test to make sure my numbers are about the same as last time. I was listed at 146 in May or June of last year which was high, but not super high. Normal numbers are around 25 - I think. We know the number will be high, because of my Endometriosis, so if it is about the same (146) we'll know that it is probably just the Endo going crazy. If the number goes really high they will send me to radiology and then an oncologist. I don't foresee any of that happening, I went through this once before so I'm not really worried. Woman with Endo have higher chances of ovarian cancer, so they just want to be extra cautious.

This month my left ovary decided it wanted all the attention. I have several really good sized follies on the left, and one egg on the right ovary. The left tube is sitting in a sac of standing blood. It is gross. It sucks. It makes me sooo mad. She said we still have a chance because of the egg on the right side, but didn't really recommend doing it, and who in their right mind would take that chance??? What a risk...how stupid and what a waste of money it would be. So we'll wait till next month as long as my CA-125 comes back ok. She said if we wanted to just try on our own this month that would be okay since I did take Letrozole, and we have one lone egg that could turn into a super egg... one can only hope, lol.

No IUI makes me a very unhappy, I've been looking forward to this for months... It was that carrot at the end of the stick that I was chasing. The thoughts of getting started again helped me get through the last several months of deep depression. I. effing. hate. waiting. And I. effing. hate. endo. - And, it is not like you can so oh, well we'll try tomorrow... No... no, it's a whole freaking month, and that doesn't even guarantee that my right ovary will work next month, we just have to hope.

I'm buying wine tonight...

I hope all of you Ladies had a great Valentines Day!!!

And... because I'm pretty sure it is socially unacceptable to get trashed before work at 10:30 in the morning - I'm going to go work out in hopes that it will free my mind ♥

IUI # 2 Canceled :| Vlog Update