CD 2 - IUI #3 - Baseline

 

I know it has been a while and I've been rather quiet on the blogging front, but I am still here living in my own quiet little bubble. *sigh* I've been lurking about, reading posts here and there. To be honest. . . I haven't had the energy or even the ability to focus long enough to write out a post or comment on anyone's posts. I've had many things jumbling around in my head, but nothing that could be strewn together and actually called sentences or paragraphs. I have been everywhere except in my head, and usually it's the opposite way around. I have been dealing with some family issues as of late and lets just say - My side of the family is so effing crazy extremely draining emotionally. I love them, but holy crap are they a handful, plus they will never change and sometimes it is just too much. I'll have to save all that crazy drama for a rainy day, lol. I enjoyed my break from ttc'ing. I got out of the house more this month than I have in the last several months. If felt great. This past weekend Josh and I went out to celebrate a good friends Birthday. It was Saturday, Cinco De Mayo, on the lake, suuuuper nice. We sat out by the lake drinking beer, enjoying the sun and good company :) It was exactly what we I needed!! On Sunday we cooked Shrimp and Sausage Jambalaya and Burgers for my In-laws :) Josh's Mom is leaving on Saturday of this week, one day before Mothers day, so dinner was a good idea since she'll be in Louisiana for the next month. I'm glad the ttc break is over and that this month we have an actual goal: To Get Pregnant!!

AF finally arrived on Monday the 7th *Happy Dance* IUI # 3 Here we come!!!

It was CD 37. wtf AF, trying to make a girl crazy??? I haven't been that late in a really long time. I was definitely stomping my feet and tapping my fingers. I didn't think that I was pregnant, I knew I wasn't, I was just annoyed at having to wait around like that. Hahaha. My guess is that it's, because I wasn't on any hormones this month. Over the last few months I had been on meds, so I think going Au natural made my body for get what it was supposed to do, go figure.

I went in for my Baseline ultrasound today (CD2)! And, everything looked as good as we could possibly expect for someone with Stage IV Endo :| On Wednesday I'll pick up my prescription for Letrozole, start taking it and go back in on May 18th for a mid-cycle follicle check. Can't wait!!! I've determined that If my right ovary is the dominate one this month and we get to do the IUI for sure, it will be a day or so before our 9 year wedding Anniversary on the 24th and we'd be due right about Valentines Day 2013 *sigh*, one can dream. . . . .

I was sad to learn that Anna, the practice Medical Assistant had resigned. :( She was so funny, I'll miss her.  I was also sad when I stepped on that scale today. I admit that I have not been eating healthy, that I have not exercised in over two months and that I have put on weight and tried to pretend it wasn't happening. Uggggggg. Today was an eye opener :| I felt so crappy seeing how much I weighed. My Dr. never said anything about it, but I felt ashamed that I've lost my self control,lol. I know it is not a horrible number, but it is the most I have EVER weighed in my life. None of my cloths fit, i feel jiggly and totally foreign in my own body. *sigh* The last year of treatment, miscarriage, depression and overall Infertility has taken a toll on me. I wanted to cry. I still want to cry. I'm going to start making changes!! No more excuses. I weighed 153 today. *gulp* Last July right before I had surgery for the Endo I was working out and weighed 135. . .  Something has to be done. I need to stop cramming sweets down my throat. I need to get up off my tush and exercise, I always feel so much better when I do cardio...  Uggg. I hate feeling like this. I know I can change it, but dammit why does everything have to be so freaking hard?? *sigh* I just want cookies that don't go straight to my ass, is that too much to ask for, Hahahha. *sigh*

I'm trying to think positively about this cycle and I truly hope that we are blessed with a successful and lucky 3rd IUI :)  I'm so tired of riding this IF-Coaster. . . I'm ready for a new adventure.

I have also been thinking a lot about what happens if this doesn't work. I wonder if we shouldn't just take an extended break from treatments, continue to try on our own and save up for IVF??? We could take the break, I could get myself back to a happier weight and we could refocus where we need to go from here. Don't get me wrong - I hope with all my heart and soul that this IUI works, that it will stick and we will make it past 4 months so we can finally clean out that junk room and call it a nursery I want this to work more than I can explain to anyone. I just don't know how I'm going to feel if it doesn't work. How will it affect my emotions, my weight, my life and my happiness. I felt so happy and excited about IUI #2 in March... then I felt so shitty when it failed. It was hard to swallow and I felt like such a failure. I know I am not really a failure, but I still felt the sting of my bodies inability to do what I needed it to do.

On May 4th (Star Wars Day - May the Fourth be with You) there was a storm in our area, I was out on my front  patio videoing the weird looking sky and lighting, and to my surprise I found a beautiful rainbow right over my house. I'm hoping this was a sign Eeek!!! *wishing and hoping for my rainbow baby*

I'll keep you all updated and I hope everyone has a great week ♥

Vlog - IUI #3