20 April, 2014

Monthly Photos of The Boys

The Boys are 3 1/2 months old now!!

They are smiling, starting to laugh and have both discovered their hands. I have been posting "Monthly" photos on my Facebook page and thought I'd go ahead and add them here too, since I'm trying to get back into this whole blogging thing. It feels weird that I was not blogging for so long considering I blogged for years prior to getting pregnant. Funny how life happens.

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Each day they make me smile and make me realize how everything we went through to get them was completely worth it and that I'd do it all over again if I needed. I never imagine Motherhood feeling this amazing. Sometimes I look down at them during a feeding and just cry the happiest tears!! It still feels like a dream that they are here, that they are mine and that we have been so incredibly blessed to have them in our lives. 

Right now life feels pretty amazing. 
Motherhood is beyond anything I imagined.
We are forever changed. 

Over the next few weeks I plan to blog about the first few months with the Boys, My breastfeeding experience and how we handle Twin life.

I will also blog about Torticollis and Plagiocephaly, because, Ronin is currently dealing with both.







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Happy Easter!

Happy Easter from, Armor and Ronin!!



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11 April, 2014

Birth Story of Twin Boys!!

The Birth of Armor & Ronin

On February 6th, 2014 I went in for an appointment to see my MFM Doctor in order check on the position of the Boys and to make sure they were not under any stress, because I was tentatively scheduled for induction at 37 weeks on January 8th, 2014, due to pre-eclampsia. (Last month of pregnancy and pre-eclampsia).

The night before our appointment Josh finally let me get out of the house, and we made the trek to Waffle House; which is only about 7 minutes from our house. We’d been having late night Waffle House rendezvous for the last half of my pregnancy. I craved eggs the entire pregnancy and who can beat scrambled eggs and hash browns at 1:00am in the morning? Haha. Little did I know this would be our last trip to Waffle House as an “Expecting couple”.

One of my last "Belly" shots!!
The morning of the 6th, I got up, showered, squeezed into my shoes and pants, and actually did my hair for the first time in weeks. Outside of our Waffle House trip, I had not been out of the house for many, many days, because I was on bed rest. I was excited about getting out and putting on clothes, because lets face it, when you are on bed rest, you basically live in pajamas all day, every day. Before leaving the house Josh said “Do you want to load up the bags again”? I say “No, there is no reason that I would be staying since we are scheduled for Wednesday, I’m not 37 weeks yet”. He stares at me and says “Are you sure” and I say “Yes, I’m certain”. So I didn’t have him put anything in the car, but he did put his bags in the car just in case. Such a smart guy, lol. We got to the appointment and luckily did not have to wait as long as normal. And as usual, I got called back to leave a urine sample and get my blood pressure taken. At this point in my pregnancy trying to pee was a difficult task. I sat on the toilet for what seemed like forever and finally managed to get a little bit of urine out. And, then as I was trying to set little cup on the counter, I spilled it all over my pants, every last drop. I immediately burst into tears, threw down some paper towels and just cried. I was so upset. There I was 9 months pregnant with twins, barely able to bend down and I’m mopping up my pee and trying to towel dry my pants. When I walked out to get my blood pressure taken it was a whooping 165/123 - Ahhhhhh. So, soooo high. We immediately got situated in a small room and hooked up to the monitors to check out the Boys. I was only hooked up for about 20 minutes for monitoring and the Doctor came in. He said “So are you ready to have some babies”? I looked at him and said “Yea, I can’t wait until Wednesday”. At this point, Josh, fully understands what the Doctor means and I’m completely oblivious as to what he really means, lol. The Doctor then says “It’s happening today”. Insert “wide eyed, shocked face”. I then look over at Josh and giggle, because he was so smart to put his bags in the car. I asked the doctor if I could go home and get my bags and he politely says “No”. Then we started to discuss how this show was going to go down. He of course immediately recommended cesarean, to which I politely replied, “No”, because Baby A was very low in a head down position and Baby B was only transverse with his head hanging out on my lower left side. The Doctor pondered for a few minutes and decided to let me go for vaginal birth!! I was so excited to have this chance even though I was pregnant with twins. The Doctor said “Good Luck” and said to head over to Labor & Delivery and they would be waiting for us.

As soon as he left the room, Josh laughed and said the look on my face was priceless. I then grabbed my phone and called, Sheila, my mother in-law. She answered and I said “Its happening today”. I could hear the excitement in her voice and she said “Yea!! I’ll be there soon”. We gathered ourselves and made our way across the Hospital to Labor and Delivery. Jen, my sister in-law and also our Birth support for labor and delivery, called as we were finding our way to L&D, she was so excited and it only added to my own excitement and anticipation. The walk over was exhausting on my hugely pregnant body.

We made it to L&D at 3pm, signed all the paperwork, answered tons of questions and then I got a fancy wheelchair ride to my room. We’d gotten there so quick they didn’t even have the bed in the room. So I spent that few minutes trying to text my best friend, Anna. My hands were shaking and my brain was going super fast. I think all my text said was “we're in L&D, its happening today” and then I set my phone down and didn’t pick it back up for several hours. As soon as I set the phone down the bed came and I was handed a gown. I changed clothes, hopped in bed and started answering tons of questions while also getting an IV put in. Then Josh’s, Mom, showed up! Shortly after she got there, Jen, arrived and then we sent Josh back home to feed the dogs and get my bags. A little while later my best friend, Anna, arrived!! I was surrounded by those who loved me and I felt so secure and so ready to get the show on the road.
Josh is ready!!
From 3pm to 6pm the time was spent trying to get both babies on the monitors, together, at the same time for a specific amount of time before I could receive any medications for induction. It was frustrating at times, because once we’d get everything set, I would have to pee, and then it was another 15-20 minutes of trying to get them back on the monitor. It was pretty easy to get, Armor, since he was head down and in mostly in the same spot each time. Ronin, on the other hand was being a little nija, I felt so bad for nurse, Violet, who had to try and find him each time, haha. I kept apologizing for Ronin and his antics, and my overwhelmed bladder, because at this point was I only dribbling out a tiny bit of urine each time I made it to the bathroom, and had a constant feeling of my bladder being full.

Around 7:00 pm my Midwife came in to finally check me down below, and I was shocked to learn that I was dilated to 1 cm and 80 percent effaced. I felt great and so happy that things were already happening. I was finally able to receive cytotec, which was small tablet to help thin out the cervix. Within the hour I started to feel small, manageable contractions. At this point I was told I could finally have something to eat since the induction process can take a while so, Anna, and Jen, went out and found Jack-n-tha-Box. I just wanted something super filling, and fattening, hahaha. So had the burger and fries and then my Midwife came back in to check. At this point it was about 10:00 pm and I was dilated to 2 cm and 90% effaced. Since my body was responding well my midwife decided that she wanted to go ahead and insert a balloon foley. The balloon was placed into my cervix to help it dilate and I was told this could take up to 12 hours.

Last Belly Photo!!
 Around 11:00 pm Jen and Anna headed home, sheila had left an hour before. Once they left, Josh, got the Ipad out and we started to watch “American Dad” while watching the show I started to have more contractions, they were starting to feel a lot more intense, yet still manageable as long as I closed my eyes and breathed through them so, I told, Josh, that we needed to turn it off and I could not focus on the show. The nurse came in and offered me an ambien for the night to help me sleep since we had a big day ahead of us. I got the Ambien, Josh got situated on the tiny little couch/bed (not made for 6’2” tall people), the lights were off and all I could hear were sounds of beeping machines and my blood pressure cuff going off. Since my blood pressure was so high, they had it going off every 30 minutes. In order to keep, Ronin, on the monitor I had to be in a sitting position, they nurses wanted me on my left side, but then we could not keep him on the monitor so, in turn it made my blood pressure stay high.

Josh helping me through contractions
So there we are, balloon in, contractions coming and going, husband tossing and turning on the tiny couch, and me unable to sleep even with the Ambien, because of contractions, having to pee and my blood pressure cuff going on and off. At about 3:00 am I told Josh to go home and get some real sleep so, he left and after that I was wide awake and feeling a bit loopy from the Ambien. I was making trips to the bathroom at least every 30 minutes and it was becoming very uncomfortable, because I was getting to the point where I could not release any urine at all. I was starting to get upset, and worried, and at one point I just cried sitting on the toilet. At about 6:00am I made a trip to the bathroom and as I was walking to the toilet I felt like I might pee on myself so, I just stood there, let it go and peed all over myself, it was embarrassing, but so much relief came after. I threw my hospital gown on the floor and mopped it up, apologized and told the nurse and she said “Congrats, don’t worry - do you feel better”. I felt so much better. 7:00 am hit and the nurses switched shifts, so my new midwife for the day came in to check and see how much I had progressed with the balloon. She checked and tugged on it and it came almost all the way out!! She pulled it out all the way, which was totally uncomfortable, but I was now 90% effaced and dilated to 5 cm. I was excited that it did not even take 12 hours. After that she said I could take a shower so, that I could feel refreshed and I did. Once I got back into bed from taking my shower my contractions started to get intense again. I started to get a little nervous, because no one was with me yet, I started to become afraid that things would suddenly happen fast so, I texted, Josh, and let him know my contractions were getting more intense and that I was dilated to a 5. He said he’d be on his way soon.

This is what Love is!!
While waiting for him to arrive my Sheila and Jen arrived, then Josh got there and we were all just kinda hanging out while I had regular mild contractions. The midwife came in around 10:00am and they decided to go ahead and give me some pitocin. That got my contractions going even more. Toward the end of pregnancy my midwife and I talked about planning to get an epidural at some point, in case I needed to have a c section. Since Baby B was transverse there was always a possibility for one, and if I didn’t have an epidural in place and c section was needed last minute they would have to knock me out, and I was not cool with that so, we agreed it was a good idea to get one at some point. I wanted to labor as long as possible before getting it.

 After receiving the pitocin, my contractions picked up to the point I asked, Jen, to go and heat up my rice sock pack that I made for labor. I also asked the nurse at what point should I ask for the epidural. The nurse said “When you get to the point that you can’t sit still during your contractions”. The contractions were becoming more and more painful, I was using the rice pack, Jen, was rubbing my back and hips, I was then up and hanging onto, Josh, swaying back and forth. The pain was intense!! At about 2:30ish I asked for the epidural and I probably waited a little too long, because they were back to back, no breaks in between the contractions. Anna, arrived as I was in the middle of full on contractions, she said the little line on the monitor was all the way at the top and it wasn’t going up or down, it was just a straight line across, lol. I will just say… trying to sit still for an epidural while you’re having hard core contractions was CRAZY… the most intense thing I’ve ever been through in my life. Thank God for Nurse Violet, she held me in place and let me squeeze the shit out of her shoulders, its as if I was hanging on for dear life. Once the epidural was in, Sheila, Jen and Anna got to come back in the room. The nurse also mentioned that once I had the epidural in they were going to give me magnesium, because of my high blood pressure, she said it would probably make me feel bad, flu like… Yuck. It made me feel really, really hot. I had them turn the air down in the room and I’m sure I was causing everyone else to freeze to death. The epidural was in and from this point on it was all very smooth and calm. I had my Husband at my side, my super woman support team and a few more were on their way.

Test Pushes
Around 7:00pm the midwife came in to check me and I was 100% effaced and dilated to an 8!! They decided to break my water, but Armor was so low when they broke it, nothing, but a dribble came out, they even scratched his little head. He was so ready and my water wasn’t going anywhere!! She came back at 9:45 and I was READY!! Completely dilated and completely effaced. I could feel my contractions, but they were not painful, it was just an odd pressure sensation. At that moment she said it was going to be about 45 minutes until the midwife was able to come in so, I was going to labor down and wait. I was a little frustrated, because I was so ready for the little guys to come. At about 10:45 ish my nurse came back and said it was still going to be a little longer and that I she was going to let me start doing test pushes!! I was so excited. Everyone cleared the room except for Josh and Jen. I did test pushes and moved Baby A (Armor down pretty quickly). Josh and Jen both got to see his head and I was even able to reach down and touch his head. The midwife came in at about 11:30 we did a few test pushes and then I was crowing!! They notified the Operating room that we were on our way.

Armor - Born at 12:01 AM 1/8/2014
 As they were wheeling me down to the OR my midwife asked if how I felt about having the babies on two different day, ahhhh. I said “No”. We all laughed, but I was super serious… Normally I’d think that kind of thing was neat or fun, but in that moment I was not going to let them be born on separate days after carrying them together for 9 month. When we got in the operating room, they got me on the bed and we all watched the clock. As soon as the clock hit midnight I gave one beautiful push and I felt his head come out, then one more tiny push and he was completely out at 12:01AM!! They immediately put him on my belly and I just lost it. I cried “Oh my god”. There was my sweet Armor, all purple and quiet, resting on my belly with his little cone shaped head and swollen eyes. I placed my hand on his little back and rubbed his head and just cried… It was incredible, beautiful and the most amazing feeling in the entire world to finally meet this little person that was growing inside my body. After a few minutes they took him off of me,, because he wasn’t breathing and we needed to find the position of, Ronin. Josh cut his cord and they swept him away to other side of the room and Josh followed. Armor, weighed in at 4lbs 13oz and was 17 inches long.

Ronin - Born at 12:25 AM 1/8/2014
The doctor then started feeling my belly to see where, Ronin, was and unfortunately he’d stretched out across my whole belly. The Doctor tried to turn him from the outside of my body and that wasn’t working so, then he reached his hand into my body and tried moving him that way. Talk about an insane and out of this world feeling. I could see my whole belly moving around, it was very strange. I felt scared, but not necessary worried… It was just such a strange experience. While this is happening I kept asking Jen and Josh if, Armor was okay, because he still had not cried. They assured me that everything is okay. The Doctor kept grabbing Ronin’s back and then he said, “All I can grab is his arm, this isn’t going to happen, we need to do a cesarean”. I immediately told him, Thank you for trying”, because not all Doctors will try a breech extraction and I was just so thankful that he did give it a shot. In that moment the entire room and mood shifted. It went from casual vaginal birth, to serious, We need to get this baby out birth.During this time more people started filling the room, they put the sheet up and start pumping medication into me, and finally I hear this tiny little squeak from across the room it was, Armor. Finally I heard him cry, finally I felt relief and ready to deliver, Ronin… I believe they had to use some sort of machine and oxygen to get him going and when he started to cry and I cried, and Josh said “He’s starting to pink up”. Jen came over and said “He is fine”, then shortly after, Josh came over with, Armor… He was pink and wide eyed, he was absolutely beautiful. They made Jen and Josh step outside of the room for a little bit while they got me completely prepped for the surgery. I just remember lying there, shaking my ass off. The amount of drugs they pumped into my body caused me to shake uncontrollably. This is where things get a little foggy. Jen comes over and stands beside me and It feels like I’ve been on that table for an hour, I ask, Jen “Have they cut me open, and she shakes her head, Yes. Josh is with, Armor and I’m there shaking like a leaf on a tree. Jen says they really had to work hard to get, Ronin out. They even cut me up and down instead of sideways, to give more room. All the sudden the room is quiet and then excitement erupts, Jen, screams out “Oh my God, Crystal, he’s huge”. They literally pulled, Ronin, out by his feet… head last and was born at 12:25 AM, just 24 minutes after, Armor..
Proud Dad!!

He came out and screamed right away, such a beautiful sound to hear. Again, I lose it and cry… I do not see him right away. They take him to the other side of the room and clean him up and weigh him really quickly, then, Josh, brings him over. He is also wide eyed and absolutely beautiful. When Josh brought him over I was shaking so bad I didn’t want to hold him, I feel bad now looking back, but I was afraid of scaring him or not being able to hold him, to be honest I was sooo messed up from all the drugs pulsing through my body that I could not think straight. Ronin weighed 6 lbs and 2 ounces and was 17 inches long just like, Armor. All the nurses said “He was stealing all the groceries”, lol. Josh takes, Ronin, back over to where, Armor, is and he is just in awe of his Boys. Jen hangs out with me and as they begin to sew me back up I start to get really sick so, Jen, held a little plastic bag next to my head so that I could throw up. Jen was amazing and I’m eternally grateful that she was there for Josh and I.

Incredible moment
I barely even remember being moved back into my room, but as soon as I’m all put back together, they wheel me back to my room and I remember waking back up from a tiny drug induced nap to family being in the room. Sheila and my Mom are in the room when I wake up, they are holding both Boys, it’s so funny to think everyone held the Boys before I did, lol. I start to wake even more. Next my Brother and sister come into the room and then Anna, Sarah and Sennicca. I’m so messed up that I'm fading in and out of sleep. I mean after all I had not slept since Monday morning and it was now Wednesday morning. Finally they bring the boys over to me for me to hold. I’m still shaking uncontrollably, but Josh insists that I hold the Boys and that it will help. They place, Ronin no my chest first and my body immediately stops shaking… I look at, Ronin’s little face, wrap my arms around him and began sobbing. Meeting him was amazing, beautiful and surreal. I could not believe he was mine, that after all that time… I was finally holding my one of my babies. Next, Armor, is placed on my chest right next to, Ronin. I can’t even fully explain how amazing that moment felt and still feels to me. I was in awe of their beautiful faces. I felt like it was a dream and it was, it was a dream come true and I was literally having the best moment of my life. I sat there crying and snuggling my beautiful Boys and then nursed them…

In Looooooove!!




It was truly an amazing experience, pregnancy and birth... And I was surrounded by the best and most supportive people in my life. Even though I had to have a cesarean for, Ronin… it was the most epic and amazing birth experience I could have ever asked for, I do not regret anything about my birth experience, not one thing, except maybe feeling so messed up on all the meds they pumped into my body.  Josh and I were surrounded by love and support and we felt so great having our family and friends right there by our sides. Josh went home a while later to get some real sleep and Sheila stayed with us the whole night, as I drifted in and out of an exhausted sleep, she is truly amazing and the best mother in-law a girl could ask for!! The Boys both had Jaundice and low sugar at birth and Armor spent an entire day under the lights to help him with his jaundice levels, but overall were super healthy even at 3 weeks early. I feel so empowered as a woman to have had this amazing experience... It was worth every tear, heartache, loss, and worth all the pain I ever endured along the way...




They were born on January 8th, 2014 at 4lbs 13oz & 6lbs 2oz and both 17" long! I am beyond blessed to have them in my life and I feel so incredibly lucky to have them after such a long struggle to become a Mother.



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13 March, 2014

My last month of pregnancy!!

The end of my Twin pregnancy!!

The end of my pregnancy was tough, but I can't complain too much, because my pregnancy was relatively smooth and overall a pretty amazing experience. At the end I had severe carpel tunnel which was not fun to deal with. Writing was impossible and brushing my teeth or hair sent a shooting pain all through my hands and up to my elbows. My feet and legs began to swell in November... I was waddling everywhere, it was impossible to bend down and impossible to put my shoes or pants on. I was somehow still working on my feet during the busiest part of the year for my line of work.

Work belly photo!!
The first week of December (31 weeks) my face and pretty much everything started to swell pretty badly. My heart would race at night and I was waking up every 45 minutes to an hour to pee. It this point I was getting very little urine out and it was actually painful to get my body release any urine at all. At times I would sit on the toilet at 4 in the morning and cry, because it was so uncomfortable.

The second week of December (32 weeks) my blood pressure started to get high, I was starting to have a few dull headaches and occasionally seeing a few spots. Moving around and getting to work was so hard on my body.

The third week of December (33 weeks) I was asked to do a 24 hour urine collection to test for protein in my urine. I went in for a midwife visit and had a super swollen body, and it was confirmed that I had protein in my urine. I was just not feeling great at all. I was officially put on strict bed rest and done with work for the remainder of my pregnancy. I could not have been happier to finally get off my feet and rest. I still can't believe I made it to 33 weeks working on my feet.

Last weekly belly photo!!
At 34 weeks, the week of Christmas, I got a little active buying a few gifts, visiting my cousin's house for a gift exchange and then going to my In-laws for a Christmas dinner. I was not super active, but doing a little more than I should have been doing for someone on strict bed rest. The day after Christmas Josh and I decided to make a quick little trip to Walmart to spend some gift cards. I had been on the couch and taking it easy and thought one little trip out would not be that bad. On the drive I started there I started seeing spots and just felt terrible. When we got to Walmart I went to the pharmacy area to check my blood pressure while he went and got what we needed. They didn't have a blood pressure machine so, I just sat on the bench waiting for Josh to come back. We decided to buy a wrist blood pressure cuff so I could check things out while at home. When I got home and checked my BP it was 162 over 93... I contacted my midwife; she said take it easy and if I started to feel worse to go in to maternal observation at the hospital. I decided to just take it easy for the night and see what my BP was the next morning. My midwife said anything over 140/90 was considered high for pregnancy. The next morning it was still high and I wasn't feeling Baby A move at all. I started to get really nervous and worried so, we went to the hospital for observation. I was there for most of the afternoon and then sent home to do another 24 hour urine collection to check for protein. I was developing preeclampsia and advised that I needed to continue with STRICT bed rest. The urine collection showed that my platelets were dropping and the protein was at 480.

A few days before birth!!
I continued with strict bed rest and and went in to see the Midwife again the first week of January at 36 weeks. I was swollen and all my numbers were high, but she wanted to see if I could stick it out one more week and make it to 37 weeks. We thought that sounded fantastic and scheduled my induction on for January 8th. I was scheduled to see my high-risk doctor on January 6th to monitor the babies and positions to see if we were still okay to go ahead with a vaginal birth.I went in for my high-risk appointment on the 6th of January and my blood pressure was 165/123. It was extremely high so, my Doctor came back into the room and said "Are you ready to have some babies"... I was immediately sent to Labor and Delivery for induction two days earlier than we originally planned!!!

(Birth Story to come soon)

As a side note - Josh's school semester ended in mid December and I can't praise him enough. He seriously cooked all of my meals for me, took care of me day in and day out, did what ever I needed, cleaned the kitchen, washed our clothes, drove me to all my doctors appointments, tended to the dogs and just took amazing care of me. He was amazing and I did not lift a finger for anything. It was nice having those last weeks together just he and I with no other responsibilities or duties required of us. During my pregnancy he went to school full time and I worked so, we didn't always have a lot of time together. During those last weeks of my pregnancy, we spent time pondering what our lives were going to be like, how we'd change, what the Boys would look like, how we'd feel, guessing what day they'd come and binge watching "Frasier" on Netflix. Thank goodness for Netflix, and Thank goodness for Waffle House!! It was only about 7 minutes away from our house and Josh let me get out of the house on a few late night occasions to go eat breakfast food. It was always a great way to break-up the bed rest and it felt like a little date. We got to to know the late night crew, hehehe. To be honest it was probably the best 4 weeks we'd had together in a long time and I'm so grateful we had the time even if I felt miserable in the physical sense... it was all very much worth it in the end.
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11 March, 2014

Introducing our beautiful Boys!!


On January 8th, 2014 
We welcomed two beautiful baby Boys into this world after 8 long years of infertility and loss.
We are living a dream and are eternally grateful.


Introducing

Armor Dale 
12:01 AM
4lbs 13oz 
17" long

And

Ronin Harrison 
12:25 AM
6lbs 2oz  
17" long


Ronin (left) & Armor (right) 

Armor (front) & Ronin (back)
  

Armor (front) & Ronin (back)
 



  I am currently working on their Birth Story and plan to begin blogging once again. Sorry it has been so long.
(O_o)

You can always find me/updates on "The Redhead Files" in other places!! (links below)


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31 August, 2013

Twin Gender Reveal!!

When old blogger friends are finding my Facebook and YouTube to find out what is going on in my life, I know it is about time to make another blog post, haha. 

I'm really sorry for keeping my readers in the dark. I feel so bad sometimes that I have thrown blogger to the side, but making a post these days seems so difficult, my brain starts off fairly well and then it all turns to crap and mush. I guess we as bloggers all have phases in life where blogging is needed and when it isn't. I've often blogged in times of sadness and personal exploration. I think. . . I have also felt awkward about putting all my pregnancy stuff here since it was always my infertility blog. I know how hard it was as an infertile to see nothing but pregnancy posts in my blog feed, so I didn't want to do that to anyone.

So without too much babbling. . .

We found out recently that we are having twin BOYS!!!! 
It was such an amazing feeling finding out, truly indescribable. Josh and I could not be any happier.

We found out on a Monday and had a party with friends and family on that following Tuesday. 
It was soooo much fun. I will post the video link below for anyone that wants to watch our Gender Reveal and us finding out the genders at out anatomy scan.

Life is changing. . .
I am so excited, so happy and so blessed to be here today at18 weeks pregnant with two precious little boys. I am the happiest I've been in a really, really, really long time.

On another note. . .
I miss my Mom (grandma) so much. . . I still have days where I suddenly realize, again, that she isn't here and it's like a stabbing pain in my heart. Sometimes the feeling will catch me by surprise and that is really the worst. :( I drive and hear songs that bring tears to my eyes, I think of her often and wish to tell her so many things. I still have nights where I'm alone and I cry and think of her and the friendship that we shared. Life has been a little crazy with my Dad since she's been gone, but that is a whole other story. I still can't believe she is not here with me; that I don't make the trek across town each week to see her. I never could have imagined I'd miss it this much. She would be absolutely thrilled to know we were having twins and that we've made it this far, she was a twin her self!!! When I had the last miscarriage in 2011, I just remember crawling into bed with her on one of my visits and bawling my eyes out. She rubbed my hands the way she always did, pet my hair and told me one day I would be a mother, that she just knew it. Outside of blogging and my best friend Anna, she was the only person I really talked to about my infertility struggles. She always asked me about it and I always felt okay talking to her, because she truly listened to everything and knew just how much my heart hurt. . . I miss her so much *sigh*.

Any-who. . .Other than losing her almost 7 months ago - Life is great, I am blessed and in love with these little boys already. Josh has been amazing to me, truly amazing. He is so excited and this pregnancy has changed us both in so many ways already.

Gender Reveal!!



Most recent pregnancy Vlog - 17 weeks!!



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21 June, 2013

Everything is fantastic!!

 We had our 2nd sonogram today and everything was amazing!!!
Two perfectly beating hearts at 164 & 160

I am so relieved and sooooo happy 
*tear*

Happy Summer Solstice Everyone
And thank you all for the fantastic comments from yesterdays post!!

 Baby A on the left & Baby B on the right
I'm in love

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20 June, 2013

Confessions of a newly pregnant infertile

Confessions of a newly pregnant infertile. . .

I looooove being pregnant - It is pretty much all Josh and I talk about when we are togther and it makes me so happy to share this with him and to see him so excited by all of it.

We have a dry erase board in our computer room titled "Possible Names of Parasites" Baby's, yes he currently calls them my parasites, since they are sapping up all of my energy, lol. Oh, and currently we only have boy names on that list. Somehow I feel we're going to be graced with two girls, hehehe.

I still have the craziest dreams, so crazy that the other night I was growing butterflies out of my nipples, it was kind of gross, but their little legs would sprout out and then the wings. . . soooooo odd.

I've been spotting since week 5, it tapered off a little last week, but returned - I'm not too worried about it now, but it really weighed heavily on my mind those first 6 weeks.

I sleep only a few hours at a time, because I spend all night getting up to go pee, lol. It's not until about 7am-10 that I really, really fall asleep and of course that's when all my work emails start rolling through. I'm no stranger to having to pee a lot. Having Endo has made my bladder hate me for quite some time, but it was never really a night thing, so this waking up thing is taking a little getting used to. I can tell that I've made it more difficult for Josh to stay asleep, haha. . . poor thing.

I have a miscarriage or baby loss dream at least once a week. I really hate those and tend to wake up more depressed on those days.

I have felt depression on some days and I'm not 100% sure why, maybe the overwhelming surges of hormones taking over my body or I think as I approach my next sonogram (tomorrow) at 8w2d I feel anxious and nervous that something could be wrong. I've been so used to things just falling apart right when I start to feel okay about them. I don't really think anything is wrong, but there is always that overwhelming fearful feeling when one has suffered multiple miscarriages, you just never know. I feel better this week than I did last week, so that's great!! This will be the furthest I've made it with a healthy pregnancy if all goes well. Last time in 2011 it was about this time when our little bean's heart stopped beating *sigh* what a sad feeling, I'm so ready for tomorrow to know everything is still progressing smoothly. I think I will really, really cry tomorrow when all is well. I cried a bit at our first sono, but tomorrow is the day I've been waiting for. I have a feeling it will really sink in tomorrow or at least feel a little more real :)

Part of me feels like this pregnancy hasn't fully sank in yet, because my Grandmother/Mom is not here and I haven't been able to share it with her. She was my cheerleader and asked me about the details every week that I went to visit her, she passed in February and it just feels like without her knowing it's not really real. . . I know that sounds crazy, but I think maybe I need to go visit her grave, have a good cry and tell her all about it. . . I really need to do that after tomorrow. . . maybe on Sunday.

I feel extremely shy around my Biological Mom when she talks about my pregnancy, the babies, stares at my belly area or askes to see if I have a bump or to show others my little bump?!?!? What is wrong with me? I also feel like everything I say we're going to do, like cloth diapering, she kind of has this attitude of "Well you'll see" I feel like that is such a negative statement. I know she's been there done that, but this is our adventure, not hers. . . we'll do it how we damn well please. I hate that I feel sensitive to everything she says, I know she cares and is so excited. . . maybe I resent that my grandmother isn't here and I'm partially annoyed with my Mom, because she's not my grandmother?!?!?. Stupid hormones, lol.

I have not had any more nausea, so maybe this is also adding to me nervous thoughts, lol. I know its very common for woman not to have nausea, so I guess I should feel lucky. Again. . . I think I'll feel better after tomorrow. It is just so crazy how the brain chooses certain things to fester on.

For the first few weeks after I found out we had a BFP I felt sad and unwilling to talk about it with my Infertile/TTC community online, which has been a truly amazing support system. About half way through my IVF cycle another very good online/TTC friend was going through IVF too, first round. I just knew we were going to be pregnant together. Well. . .she found out hers did not work a few days after I announced our BFP. . . I felt so broken hearted for her, and in turn I felt afraid to share how I was doing for fear of her feeling like I was rubbing it in her face. Truly and honestly, I know she would not feel that way about me. . . but she was pretty crushed and I just felt I could not be as open. As an infertile, even though you are happy when your long time infertile friends finally get that BFP, it still hurts no matter how you look at it. It's a different kind of hurt, but definitely still a sting from deep withing, nonetheless. I still kind of feel that way, I guess these are my years of infertility feelings bubbling to the surface. . . Hopefully it will go away soon. I think when you are infertile those feeling never leave you, even when you are successful and finally have a baby of your own. . . you will always remember the gut wrenching pain you went through to get your rainbow.

Regardless of all these crazy, overwhelming, sensitive thoughts. . . I feel so amazingly blessed to be here today saying, "Hey, I'm pregnant"!!! It still feel sooooooo crazy to say that!!! But when I mention it to someone who doens't really know me, I get this little grin on my face :)

I have to put my feelings somewhere so they don't eat me alive, so maybe I'll start blogging a little more than I have in the past year. I used to blog like a mad woman, almost weekly, and I dropped off last summer after IUI # 3 failed. I feel a little like an imposter right now, like really. . . I'm really pregnant? Is this for real?? Hahaha. 

So please do not take my feelings as being "unhappy about my pregnancy" or "complaining", I am in no way unhappy, just protective of my heart and feelings. 

I know in the TTC world once interfiles get pregnant, ttcers and other people assume that you shit jellybeans, sparkle with ultimate bliss and dance on clouds 24 hours a day, but that's not how it is. Pregnancy is scary, fun, exciting, and again. . . scary, lol.

 Okay. . . I think I'm done with my random pregnancy babble. 

Have a fabulous day my peeps and for those still in the trenches of TTC 
My heart is with you always!!
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10 June, 2013

Our first sonogram IVF/Pregnancy

Holy crap. . . 

We are having twins!!!! 
 
We found out on Friday, June 7th *sigh* Today I am officially 6wks5days and the sonogram was at done at 6wks2days. We were able to hear two healthy heartbeats and confirmed the babies were measuring right on. Baby A was 6wks2days and Baby B was 6wks3days!!! 
I feel so amazingly blessed ♥ Our next sonogram will be on June 21st at 8wks2days!!

We are due on January 28th, 2014
I'm just going to go with - Sometime in January and hopefully not any sooner!!!

6Week/2Day Twin Sonogram


Pregnancy symptoms up to this point.

Extremely vivid dreams, almost every night.
For the first 5 weeks I have eatan hard boiled or scrambled eggs every morning with salsa.
Nausea throughout the day, but nothing too crazy. mainly when I haven't eaten.
Highly sensitive to smells. . .
I have been sneezing more than usual.
Tender breast and nipples. . .
  Super exhausted, I take a lot of naps and I've never been a nap taker.
I seem to despise most sweets and crave salty and vinegary things.
Very little energy or motivation to want to do anything, lol.

I'm loving every minute of this and Josh has been amazing ♥
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26 May, 2013

It worked!!!

BETA Results. . .

Wednesday, May 22 = 324
Friday, May 24th = 788

I. am. sooooooooo excited and happy and nervous and just so many things I can't fully express!!!
I'm reamaining cautiously optimistic for now.

Our first sonogram is scheduled for June 7th. . . I'm still on cloud 9 :)

Josh and I celebrated our 10 wedding anniversary on Friday too. . .
Best anniversary gift ever, ever!!!!


17 May, 2013

Now we wait!!

Right now life seems a little surreal and a little crazy all at the same time, Haha. 

On Monday, May 8th I went in for an egg retrieval, we collected 18!!
The next morning I got the call that 15 fertilized normally.

On day 3 we still had 15 fertilized and no fragmentation.
On day 5 we had two beautiful grade 5AA eggs put back - Eeeek!!
The next morning we learned that we had 13 embryos make it to the freezer

*Happy Dance*

 
Wow. . .

I'm beyond excited and nervous and scared and overjoyed and. . . so many things. 
I'm schedled for my BETA on May 22nd :) 

Josh and I celebrate our 10 year wedding anniversary on the 24th!! 

Work has been more stressful in the last 3 weeks than it has in two freaking years *sigh* I'm trying to remain as positive as I can and trying not to let the stress consume me. It will all smooth out soon enough, but I just hate that things are so darn crazy at this time. These are the times in life I wish I was a millionaire and didn't have to work, lol. But any-who. . . I'm crossing everything, praying to any and all gods and hoping with all my heart that this works for us.



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08 May, 2013

We have eggs!!

Our egg retrieval went great really, really well!! 
We had a total of 17 Follicles collected this morning, Josh's sample was perfect and we'll know more tomorrow about how many were mature and how many fertilized - Eeeek. Our transfer is tentatively set for Monday. . . I'll let you all know how it goes!


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07 May, 2013

IVF egg retrieval - Tomorrow Morning - Eeek!!

Ladies and Gents. . . 

I’ve been a bit quite on the Blogger front, but I did want to let everyone know that I officially go in tomorrow morning at 6:15am for my IVF egg retrieval – Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! 

*Happy Dance* 

I am beyond excited and nervous all at the same time, lol. I feel peaceful about the situation and I'm remaining as positive as I can. I’m sorry to all of my blogger friends for not really sharing much of the process with you all, but I’ve been cheating on Blogger with Youtube. I started making Vlogs, basically video blogs, and since then I haven’t felt very compelled to write out as many things anymore. On the bottom of this post I will include some video links to videos I’ve done over that past couple weeks and months, so that if anyone wants to catch up or see what’s been going on in my world then you certainly can!!

I don’t have much else to say other than - I seriously can’t believe we’re doing Egg Retrieval tomorrow. I feel so amazed that the process has so far. . . gone very smoothly. I feel like the time has flown by faster than I could ever have imagined. I did took my trigger shot last night and went back in to the fertility office this morning for a blood test to make sure the HCG is being absorbed by my body. . . Eeeeeeek!!! 

After the egg retrieval tomorrow I will be off for 3 days so I’m going to take it easy and veg out on my couch to let my body heal. Hopefully the Embryo transfer will be on Monday the 13th, but we’ll know for certain a day or two after the retrieval, if anything it would wind up on Sunday and that's Mothers day *sigh*.

So that’s it folks. . . We’re really, really doing this!! 
I will try and update after the retrieval to let you all know how I’m doing. 
Take care everyone!! 

Links to IVF Facebook Page and Youtube Channel 

https://www.facebook.com/theredheadfilesIVF 
http://www.youtube.com/user/cristaleen

















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06 April, 2013

IVF Update for my Bloggy Peeps!!

I know it's been a little while since I posted an IVF update on my blog so here goes!!

I had my Hysteroscopy on Tuesday March 26th and everything looked great. The surgery was quick and minimal :) There were no polyps or scar tissue found *Happy Dance*. The recovery time was very quick and I only had slight bleeding and cramping. Overall things went really smoothly.

We officially received ALL of our medications today!! Eeeeek. Josh text me today at work as soon as they arrived, hehe. Seeing that box brought a smile to my face, but when I opened it up, seeing everything in that box made me a little nervous. . . so many needles it makes my stomach a little queasy already, lol. I'm starting to feel anxious throughout the days now, I know my mind is preparing for this gigantic step we're about to take so the stress I'm feeling is something I need to get used to over the next few weeks. It's just such a nerve wracking process. But I'm suuuuuuper excited to be here!! This has been a long time coming, a long journey with lots of bumps along the way and I feel so unbelievably blessed to get this chance. Next week I will have an appointment to go over all the medications and we'll get our timeline!!! The timeline is a calendar with your medication start date, doses and your estimated egg retrieval and transfer. OMGawdddd. It feels so weird to actually say "our retrieval and transfer". Some days, many days along the way I felt like we were never going to get here, but here we are ready to dive in head first :)

For any of my blog readers that Facebook - I made a Facebook page for "The Redhead Files". Over the last year I've slacked off on blogging and it's partly due to not actively trying to conceive and partly, because I started making videos/Vlogs on YouTube!! I will be posting videos, thoughts, ups, downs, and pictures on my Facebook Page with friends and family and who ever else that wants to follow along. Cheers to IVF in 2013!!!!!

Facebook Page 
 

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