The scariest moment of my life

In parenthood you face many challenges along the way. Lots of highs and lows; many moments of happiness and moments of frustration throughout your daily life as a parent. "Parenthood is not for wimps", as someone recently said to me, and they could not be more right. Sunday morning, Josh, and I experienced panic and fear in a way that I never want to experience again. 

Ronin, had a febrile seizure at about 4:00 am on Sunday morning and it is truly, by far the scariest moment of my life thus far. My heart fell to the pit of my stomach and both, Josh, and I felt more helpless than we've ever felt in our lives. We handled it and got through it, as a team... and we are forever changed by that one moment in time.

Sunday afternoon we were getting ready to head out to get haircuts for the boys, because lets face it... they were looking pretty shaggy. Both boys were standing at the gate at our kitchen entrance watching me get ready. I heard a noise and turned around, to see that, Ronin, had fallen down and hit his head on the tile floor. I rushed into the kitchen where he was looked down at him and he was beginning the stages of a full blown crying/screaming moment, and his arms were shaking awkwardly now looking back. 

At first We were not sure if Armor pushed him or he just fell, but one minute he was standing there and the next he was on the ground with very jerky arm movements, and crying. They were not fussing, pushing or fighting, so I truly don't think that Armor pushed him over. Armor started crying, because Ronin was hurt. We got, Ronin, calm and settled, and he seemed okay so we got everyone loaded into the car and headed out for haircuts.

Once we got the haircuts done, I was standing there with Olivia in the stroller, holding Ronin's hand while, Josh, paid for the haircut services. Suddenly he just fell to the ground as if he lost his balance, he was not playing or bouncing around being a crazy toddler, he was just standing there very still holding my hand. I noticed he was warm as I picked him up and told, Josh, he was warm...

As soon as we got home I checked his temperature and it was 100.3, not too bad... so I decided to wait closer to bedtime to give him some Motrin. I got a blanket, pillow, cup of water and a bowl of goldfish and raisins and set him up on the couch, because as soon as we got home he went into the living area and laid down on a pillow with his blanket. That is totally not like him at all... He is two, and full of energy and for him to do that was a huge indicator that he truly didn't feel well, but he had no other symptoms of being sick. After being on the couch for a while he seemed less warm and was up and and starting to play a little bit. 

We did our normal nightly routing and got the boys to bed. I gave, Ronin, medicine for the fever even though his temp was now at 98.7 and not really feverish at all, but it was more in case he got a fever after falling asleep.

I go to bed not thinking anything more... Then... around 4:00am, which is really like 3:00am, but the time changed. Josh came running into the Olivia's room where I was sleeping, yelling my name. I jumped out of bed to see, Josh, in a state of panic and, Ronin, half limp half seizing in his arms. I instantly screamed and jumped out of bed all at the same time, and in that split second... thought my child was dying or dead the way Josh was holding him and yelling. Josh yelled "he's having a seizure, call 911" He laid him on the bed and he continued to seize, he couldn't breath and his body was locked up. Josh held him while I fumbled around trying to get my phone and trying to get my fingers to work, I called 911 and the woman on the phone was incredibly calming, and talked us through what to do, and said an ambulance was on the way. 

At this point Ronin was burning up, every inch of his body was incredibly hot... We covered him in a wet towel and turned him on to his side. We took him to the living room and set him on the couch and he began seizing again, not as intensely, but was jerking and making this strange sound as if he could not breath. Two fire trucks and an ambulance came, I met them at the door and led them in. Josh was a mess, so I went into calm mode and answered all the questions the EMT's asked... They were very kind. They took him outside and put him in the ambulance. I went and got Ronin's blanket and stuffed dog and ran out to the ambulance while Josh was inside. I sat there in the ambulance looking at my child and tears filled my eyes. I was so scared for him. I rubbed his head and pet his hair while she started getting vitals and such. Josh rode in the ambulance with him to the hospital, because I needed to be with Olivia in case she got hungry, and Josh needed to be with him. Josh had seizures as a child and he was devastated that this had happened to, Ronin.

I called my mother, and she was over in about 20 minutes. . . I packed up Olivia and drove to the children's hospital where he'd been taken. I got to the hospital and he was doing better, still very weak and very warm, but he got a Popsicle (his first one ever) and was snuggled in daddy's lap. I sat on the hospital bed and he curled up in my lap with his blanket and dog... They released us around 10:30-ish, I think... We were all exhausted, worn out and traumatized by the whole experience. It was so sad to see him scared and not knowing what was happening. I have to give tons of credit to the entire nursing staff, EMT's and doctors who cared for him. They were all so very kind and gentle and it just made the experience easier to take in.

The images of him in that moment, convulsing in, Josh's, arms, unable to breathe keep popping into my head. It's scary to think of - "what if" Josh, did not hear him and check on him? The ER doctor at the children's hospital was great, and said this is can be common among young children when they get fevers rapidly, and that it is not necessarily how high the fever is, but how quickly it progresses. Ronin, was not sick at all on Sunday, and still isn't. This fever came out of no where. The doctor recommended that we alternate children's Tylenol and Motrin every three hours for future illnesses for him, because he is at risk for future seizures like this. I used to have the thought "let their body fight the fever, unless it's really bad" but... I will never think that again. . . I will not hesitate to give medication to help a fever in the future. My poor baby.... He's still running fever to this day, and Josh took him in to the pediatricians office to see what's going on this morning. They took some blood so now we wait to see if it tells us anything. My poor little man.  I'm so happy he is doing better, overall, but holy crap... This Mama's heart is traumatized. It is truly the scariest moment of my life. I never, ever want to have to see him like that again 

Life Update

Hello, friends!!

Just popping in for a little Life Update

Soooo.... it's obviously been ages since I last blogged, and I'm soooorrrry. 

I mean my goodness. It looks like the last blog was back in October 2014, when the boys were about 9 months old. A lot has happened since then...

A lot

In December of 2014 my job title changed drastically and I began to work really, really long hours... booooo. Operations manager of a busy downtown hotel was not very friendly when it came to family life.I was only seeing the boys for about an hour to an hour and a half before they went to bed for the evening. It was really hard to only have that much time with them, especially considering how hard we tried to have children. It also made vlogging and blogging pretty much impossible with two little ones on top of crazy work hours.

Armor and Ronin, are now two years old and crazy as ever... We lovingly call them our tiny little tornadoes of velociraptors, ah aha... that one is actually more fitting. They talk so much and it's been so amazing to watch them grow into toddlers vs. infants. They make me crazy and amaze me every single day.

Also. . . 

I had another BABY!!!!

What?

Oh my gosh!

How'd that happen?!? 

Aren't you infertile!?!

Yep...

Sometimes... life throws you a well deserved surprise!

We were shocked, beyond shocked, and it honestly took us a little bit to get use to the idea that we were adding another baby to the family. It was so weird to know my body did what it was supposed to do all on its own... such a strange feeling. 

Right after the boys turned one
is when it happened... NO we were not trying, and to be honest we never thought we'd have anymore children. I thought for sure we'd have to bust into our frozen embryo storage.. It was pretty much a surprise and what I like to call our "valentines love baby" haha. I found out at the beginning of March right after our sweet Roxy passed away... She gave us 14 fantastic years of being the most awesome dog we'll ever have in our lifetime. Josh graduated with his Associate Degree in Applied Science in May and we found out the very same day we were having a GIRL!!!! How incredibly lucky are we???

We also decided to donate our 13 remaining embryos. We donated them to our fertility clinic so that other couples could adopt them. We both feel really good about our decision, and it's a little hard to believe that someone will be having our children... CRAZY!!!

Josh took the summer off from school and stayed home with the boys while I worked, then returned to school in September to continue with his Bachelor degree... I have an relatively uneventful pregnancy, but did wind up dealing with Gestational Diabetes. Luckily, I was able to keep it under control with diet restriction - yay, go me!!

I gave birth to Olivia Rose Bernard on November 9th, 2015, ironically it was the same date that I had my last miscarriage back in 2011. We defiantly came full circle.

Olivia was born at 5:19 pm 

weighted 8lbs 5oz.

Her birth was fantastic and I delivered with the midwives 

just like I did with the boys. I made a birth vlog video, so I'll share the link with y'all  Birth Vlog

I took 3 months off for maternity leave and wound up finding a new job the same week I returned to work. I put my notice in and bam... I have a new job in a completely different industry with a M-F 8/5 kinda hours. I could not be more happy for this change in employment and having more time with my family.  Obviously I'd love to stay home, but that is just not the season of our life right now. Josh is seriously an amazing dad, he is so great... I could not ask for a better husband, friend and father for our children. I truly love him more than I could ever appropriately articulate into words. 

So for now that is it. I'm going to start blogging a bit more since I don't have time to Vlog. I totally miss vlogging, but it takes so much time to edit, blah... 

I feel like I'm in a part of my life where if feels right to blog again!

Right now...overall,  life is good, I'm blessed in more was than I can count and I'm incredibly lucky for all that I have. 

The Boys are 7 Months!!

The Boys are growing so fast and sometimes I seriously want to stop time and just absorb every minute of their little lives, every breath, every smile, every cry and every fussy moment. They are absolutely amazing and fill my heart with such amazing joy. I do feel like I miss out on them while I'm at work, but when they smile and laugh at me all of the guilt from being gone literally melts away. I try and soak in as much as I can and stalk them at night from work by logging on to the baby monitor :) Josh also takes lots of video and pictures, so that makes it great! I take weekly pictures of them just like I did when I was pregnant and I post them on The Redhead Files facebook page. I also take a monthly photos with their cute little bowtie stickers that a sweet, sweet friend sent to me during my pregnancy. I love documenting their lives, for me obviously, but also for our family that are out of state.

Armor and Ronin, turned 7 months old on the 8th of August, 7 MONTHS!! How is this possible? I still remember their birth like it was yesterday *sigh*... time sure does fly when you’re having fun! 

We recently took our first road trip with the Boys to visit family in Lake Charles. It was a rather long drive, but they did fantastic on the drive down and overall It was a really nice trip and very much needed for both Josh and I. I got teary-eyed about an hour into our drive thinking, wow… I can’t believe we are traveling back home to see family with our very own family. It was a wonderful feeling. Many of  Josh's family members had not yet met the boys, so everyone got tons of baby snuggles, smiles, kisses and laughs. The boys also swam in the very same pool that Josh swam in as a child. Great memories

Armor is rolling all over the place!! From his tummy he pulls his entire body up from the floor and is basically practicing for future crawling, lol. He loves his bouncer and is now starting fuss when we leave the room. He is very aware of our presence. He smiles and laughs every day and his hair is really starting to come in. Armor is also getting really good at sitting up. He still wobbles a bit and tumbles over after a little while, but overall he’s looking pretty straight. One tooth on the bottom has broken the surface, one right next to it will come any day (hour) and his top two are also coming in right now, poor little guy. Teething hasn't been kind to him. He has Josh's eye color, nose, ears, feet and hands... The rest is all me!

Ronin is going to Physical Therapy each week for his Torticollis and is getting so much stronger. He is starting to roll over on his own from belly to back, and back to belly. He usually only rolls from his right side, so we are working on the left side roll. Sitting is getting better, but he still leans forward and is wobbly, but definitely improving. Ronin recently received a helmet to correct his plagiocephaly. He will have to wear it anywhere from 4-6 months, but I think it will be closer to the 4-5 month range. Ronin has already cut two teeth on the bottom and two top teeth. I call him my teething machine :) He smiles alllll day, everyday and is such a happy little guy. Ronin has my eyes, nose, ears and feet. The rest is alllll Josh!

Both Armor and Ronin are very vocal these days and each of their voices is so different from one another. When we are in another room or I hear them on the baby monitor I instantly know who is who. At their 6 month appointment they both weighed exactly same at 16lbs 10oz and were 27 ½ and 27 ¾ long!! They got vaccinations and did much better this time around. They are drinking 4 bottles a day and each have one full jar of baby food!! I buy nature's best and beechnut, they love sweet potatoes, green beans, squash and pears. I so wanted to make my own food, but seriously… I just don’t have time. Working full time is tough sometimes, but I do what i must in order to support my family. Josh is also a full time student, so our lives are pretty busy these days, but I love it and would not change it for anything in the world. To be honest... I'm madly in love with them and truly amazed at how much our lives have changed in such little time. Josh and I were so excited to know we were finally going to become parents, but there is no way we could have ever known just how amazing it would be, or just how much it would truly affect us. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world.

                                                           Some Instagram love

 

 

4 1/2 months!!

Life as a Mom is incredible, tiring, enlightening, empowering and by far the best thing I've ever done!!

(I feel so darn lucky)

The Boys are now 4 1/2 months old!!

Armor, squeaks and squawks while, Ronin, smiles and flirts.

The little guy's recently had their 4 month check-up and are growing fantastically. They are still a little on the small side and not even hitting the 50th percentile range on anything, but I'm okay with that, and so is their pediatrician. They were 3 weeks early so taking that into consideration, they are doing great. 

Ronin has an appointment with the cranial/facial doctor in July to discuss what to do about his plagiocephaly. He might need to wear a helmet for a bit, and we're waiting on his referral to the physical therapist for his torticollis. I'm ready to get things moving along for him so that it does not get any worse.

Armor is 13lbs 10oz and 24 1/2 inches

Ronin is 14lbs 1oz and 24 3/4 inches

They are sleeping through the night and what a blessing that is!! They wake up fairly early, but usually go back to sleep for an hour or so after eating. We snuggle on the couch together in the early morning, then move to the play mat and after about an hour or so on the play mat we do tummy time. Timmy time usually results in eventual sleeping or fussing. Ronin, has rolled over from front to back several times, and Armor has rolled from both back to front and front to back. Armor is really active and always kicking those little legs. Their individual personalities are really starting to shine through and they make my heart want to burst. The laughs and sounds they make bring a huge smile to my face and heart each day.

Life as a parent is so much more than I ever imagined it to be. I feel like I'm not such a boring person anymore, lol. I was on maternity leave for two months after they were born and I would have taken an extra month, but I was already out on bed rest for the month prior to their arrival. I was not ready to go back, I'll say that... it was definitely tough, I cried and totally wish I could stay home with them. I have adjusted to life as a working Mom, it is still hard, but you do what you must. Josh was in school the entire time I was pregnant, and started his spring semester just 5 days after they were born. Haha. Looking back at how we all survived those first few months makes me incredibly proud of the both of us. I'm also soooo proud of Josh, for even being able to make it to class each day and make the Dean's list all while adjusting to life as a new twin parent. Josh has taken to fatherhood quite well and it is a beautiful sight to see. He is fantastic with them. In the beginning, when I first went back to work  it was kind of tough on him. One day I came home and he said "They don't like me", he was serious and I felt bad for him, but since then he has created his own routines with them and learned how to be confident in his ability to care for them while I'm gone. It makes my love for him so much deeper. His mother, Sheila (aka Meme) has also been an amazing help. When I'm at work and he's in school she watches them for us and we are so lucky to have her!! She watches them about two days a week and we handle the rest. I just love my life so much. I feel like I waited an eternity to have this role as a mother and it has been worth every ounce of struggle I suffered on my path to Motherhood.