Just like the night before CD 1, I cried and sobbed Sunday night after Josh went to bed. I thought I'd gotten all my crying out during my "wine-cry-fest" days earlier, but I guess I had some leftover emotions still lingering. I didn't have wine this time around - I just cried and went to bed. I was so nervous about the baseline. It is a make or break kind of appointment if you know what I mean, so it was really difficult to sleep.
I was super excited to see Jenica, the office manager of the Fertility office. Jenica did IVF in December and got pregnant!! It was great to see her - She had that special kind of glow about her :)
It was weird driving into the parking garage. I have to admit that it made me feel a little sick to my stomach at first, but as soon as I walked in the door of the Fertility office I was greeted by Jenica's big smile *sigh* and that settled my nerves. There was a couple waiting in the lobby area, and it made me think back to the day Josh and I first visited the RE office. We were so nervous and hopeful. We were newbs, lol
I got weighed in, poked with needles, had my blood stolen, and then I was sent to that room... The room where everything fell apart in November. If those walls could tell stories... It was the room where we learned our little bean had died *sigh*. It was a little difficult, but I survived.
Dr. L came in with a bright smile on her face and gave me a big hug. I also got hugged by Coral which was really, really nice <3, they are all so wonderful! Dr. L asked me how I was doing, how I handled the last few months, how Josh was doing, and if I was having any pain. I told her I was doing much better, that I cried a lot in Nov and Dec, and that I was really angry during the month of January. She listened to everything, and was very empathetic to the things I was feeling and saying, I didn't feel rushed - Best RE ever!!! I told her that I'd been having a lot of pain in my right hip, and asked her if it was because of the Endo. She said probably, but we could not be certain.
I asked her if I should do anything different this time around... I've had people suggest that I take baby aspirin, She said absolutely not!! It has not been proven to really make a difference, and that it would be best not to add anything to our cycle. I felt better. So many people want to tell you what you should do the next time around, and it's a little frustrating sometimes, because even though you know you're doing everything you can, it still makes you feel like your not doing something right. lol
She started the ultrasound and went after my left side first. I could feel immediately that something was off when she started the internal ultrasound. As she moved the wand to the left it made me jump. It hurt. Great :| On the screen we could see that my Endometrioma (cyst) was back, right along with the blood sausage covering my left fallopian tube. :( Freaking wonderful... Errrrr *stomps feet*
I have stayed on Birth Control since the miscarriage to keep the Endo from going crazy, and it looks as though it did not help me. Stupid...stupid...stupid - Endo *angry eyes*.
We could see all the baby eggs on each of my ovaries, so that's a plus!! We decided that
we'll go ahead with the IUI, but my chances of having an ectopic pregnancy is much, much higher now. Errrr. I picked up the Letrozole and started taking it last night. I will take 2.5 mg of the Letrozole, two pills each for 5 days, and because of the cyst I'm going to go in around CD 11 or CD 12, for a follicle check. By that time we'll be able to see which ovary is developing the eggs, she will be able to check the sizes of the follies, so this will be really helpful. If it is the left side that's pumping out eggs, then we'll hold off, and try next month when my right side goes.
Dr. L, is concerned because of my left side, and I'm totally pissed off at my left side. Why does my body have to betray me like this?? It is not fair. I cried on my way back to work yesterday. I was not expecting that my Endo would have grown back so quickly. I am grateful to move on with the IUI, but I felt defeated. I felt like the surgery I just had in July, was useless. . . She hinted at IVF. I asked her if IVF would really be an option considering our problem is staying pregnant. Dr. L said that IVF definitely gives us a better chance, because they are picking the absolute best egg... They grow them for about 5 days and then transfer, so they have the ability to get rid of the ones that will eventually not make it.
So much to think about. . . I'm hoping we get lucky, and that the IUI works again. I will start monitoring my LH surge this Sunday with OPK's, and The hubs and I will do our BD every other day...
I also bought Pre-Seed for the first time ever, 23 bucks for lube - Hahahaha. "Honey, this ain't yo grandma's lube", bawhahahha. Has anyone else used it?? Has anyone had luck with it?? I hope it helps!! Please Wish us luck, and pray that Letrozole does not turn me into a crazy woman, lol!!
CD 5 - Vlog
