The scariest moment of my life

In parenthood you face many challenges along the way. Lots of highs and lows; many moments of happiness and moments of frustration throughout your daily life as a parent. "Parenthood is not for wimps", as someone recently said to me, and they could not be more right. Sunday morning, Josh, and I experienced panic and fear in a way that I never want to experience again. 

Ronin, had a febrile seizure at about 4:00 am on Sunday morning and it is truly, by far the scariest moment of my life thus far. My heart fell to the pit of my stomach and both, Josh, and I felt more helpless than we've ever felt in our lives. We handled it and got through it, as a team... and we are forever changed by that one moment in time.

Sunday afternoon we were getting ready to head out to get haircuts for the boys, because lets face it... they were looking pretty shaggy. Both boys were standing at the gate at our kitchen entrance watching me get ready. I heard a noise and turned around, to see that, Ronin, had fallen down and hit his head on the tile floor. I rushed into the kitchen where he was looked down at him and he was beginning the stages of a full blown crying/screaming moment, and his arms were shaking awkwardly now looking back. 

At first We were not sure if Armor pushed him or he just fell, but one minute he was standing there and the next he was on the ground with very jerky arm movements, and crying. They were not fussing, pushing or fighting, so I truly don't think that Armor pushed him over. Armor started crying, because Ronin was hurt. We got, Ronin, calm and settled, and he seemed okay so we got everyone loaded into the car and headed out for haircuts.

Once we got the haircuts done, I was standing there with Olivia in the stroller, holding Ronin's hand while, Josh, paid for the haircut services. Suddenly he just fell to the ground as if he lost his balance, he was not playing or bouncing around being a crazy toddler, he was just standing there very still holding my hand. I noticed he was warm as I picked him up and told, Josh, he was warm...

As soon as we got home I checked his temperature and it was 100.3, not too bad... so I decided to wait closer to bedtime to give him some Motrin. I got a blanket, pillow, cup of water and a bowl of goldfish and raisins and set him up on the couch, because as soon as we got home he went into the living area and laid down on a pillow with his blanket. That is totally not like him at all... He is two, and full of energy and for him to do that was a huge indicator that he truly didn't feel well, but he had no other symptoms of being sick. After being on the couch for a while he seemed less warm and was up and and starting to play a little bit. 

We did our normal nightly routing and got the boys to bed. I gave, Ronin, medicine for the fever even though his temp was now at 98.7 and not really feverish at all, but it was more in case he got a fever after falling asleep.

I go to bed not thinking anything more... Then... around 4:00am, which is really like 3:00am, but the time changed. Josh came running into the Olivia's room where I was sleeping, yelling my name. I jumped out of bed to see, Josh, in a state of panic and, Ronin, half limp half seizing in his arms. I instantly screamed and jumped out of bed all at the same time, and in that split second... thought my child was dying or dead the way Josh was holding him and yelling. Josh yelled "he's having a seizure, call 911" He laid him on the bed and he continued to seize, he couldn't breath and his body was locked up. Josh held him while I fumbled around trying to get my phone and trying to get my fingers to work, I called 911 and the woman on the phone was incredibly calming, and talked us through what to do, and said an ambulance was on the way. 

At this point Ronin was burning up, every inch of his body was incredibly hot... We covered him in a wet towel and turned him on to his side. We took him to the living room and set him on the couch and he began seizing again, not as intensely, but was jerking and making this strange sound as if he could not breath. Two fire trucks and an ambulance came, I met them at the door and led them in. Josh was a mess, so I went into calm mode and answered all the questions the EMT's asked... They were very kind. They took him outside and put him in the ambulance. I went and got Ronin's blanket and stuffed dog and ran out to the ambulance while Josh was inside. I sat there in the ambulance looking at my child and tears filled my eyes. I was so scared for him. I rubbed his head and pet his hair while she started getting vitals and such. Josh rode in the ambulance with him to the hospital, because I needed to be with Olivia in case she got hungry, and Josh needed to be with him. Josh had seizures as a child and he was devastated that this had happened to, Ronin.

I called my mother, and she was over in about 20 minutes. . . I packed up Olivia and drove to the children's hospital where he'd been taken. I got to the hospital and he was doing better, still very weak and very warm, but he got a Popsicle (his first one ever) and was snuggled in daddy's lap. I sat on the hospital bed and he curled up in my lap with his blanket and dog... They released us around 10:30-ish, I think... We were all exhausted, worn out and traumatized by the whole experience. It was so sad to see him scared and not knowing what was happening. I have to give tons of credit to the entire nursing staff, EMT's and doctors who cared for him. They were all so very kind and gentle and it just made the experience easier to take in.

The images of him in that moment, convulsing in, Josh's, arms, unable to breathe keep popping into my head. It's scary to think of - "what if" Josh, did not hear him and check on him? The ER doctor at the children's hospital was great, and said this is can be common among young children when they get fevers rapidly, and that it is not necessarily how high the fever is, but how quickly it progresses. Ronin, was not sick at all on Sunday, and still isn't. This fever came out of no where. The doctor recommended that we alternate children's Tylenol and Motrin every three hours for future illnesses for him, because he is at risk for future seizures like this. I used to have the thought "let their body fight the fever, unless it's really bad" but... I will never think that again. . . I will not hesitate to give medication to help a fever in the future. My poor baby.... He's still running fever to this day, and Josh took him in to the pediatricians office to see what's going on this morning. They took some blood so now we wait to see if it tells us anything. My poor little man.  I'm so happy he is doing better, overall, but holy crap... This Mama's heart is traumatized. It is truly the scariest moment of my life. I never, ever want to have to see him like that again