Clomid...here we come!!

Today is a good day!! My Doctor called this morning to explain things a bit more. And I must say that I feel much more positive than I did yesterday. I just honestly was a little in shock..and didn't quite know what, or how to feel. So she basically said that he has such a high sperm count that the morphology should not be that huge of a concern. It's definitely a factor at this point since we haven't conceived in 5 years. We kind of stopped trying so hard after that first year of no results and thought well it will happen. Well we are back on track and focused; so perhaps this time will be better for us.

We are..lol I mean I am going to start taking Clomid on my next cycle. I will see her next week to get the prescription and go over our "care plan". If the Clomid doesn't work then we will be referred to an RE "reproduction endocrinologist" and discuss IUI artificial insemination.. IUI is less expensive then IVF..so what ever we can do before getting to that point would be great!

I'm really excited and have high hopes, but there is still this little part in the back of my head that says "don't get overly excited, because it's possible this may not work" and then I think "well don't be negative" and I'm not negative.. But I do have to be realistic with my goals and emotions. I don't want to be completely dragged through the mud with this whole experience. I mean I guess that's going to happen anyway..I just don't want to be so broken inside that I can't move on.

I called all the mothers hehe..that would me My Grandmother, Sheila and Mom and of course Anna, Sarah, Misty and my Jen-Star..they are my support group, my amazing amazon warrior women :) They are all excited and relieved as well.. In a way..their excitement kind of fuels me and let's me know that it's okay to feel excited, and that everything is going to be okay in the long run. I love them all and I am so grateful to have each of their strong female influences in my life. We've gone for at least 5 years with no luck..so I sorta lost hope and stopped getting excited about whether or not I would ever get pregnant, and now starting to feel hope again is a little scary and intensely exciting.

It feels really therapeutic to finally talk out loud about it with our family and friends, I feel like we are not alone on this path and that we have a strong family to catch us if we fall brokenhearted . I remember so many times before waiting each month to see if I would feel different, would my breast be tender, was a I a day late, and did it mean something or thinking "this is going to be the month" and it never was.. I felt less of a woman, as if something were wrong with me, perhaps I was defective in some way. Today there is a light at the end of a tunnel. We have embarked on a journey that will hopefully have good results..and if not then we will be able to move on with our lives and start to heal from the pain of infertility.

peace.love.freckles

Morphology Smorphology..

So our test results came back..kind of discouraging!! Everything on my end checks out well. My tubes are clear and uterus looks good, my hormones seem normal and Josh has plenty of swimmers...but has low morphology. Which means that even though he's got a good count, they don't really perform that well, they are shaped funny.. It is discouraging. I thought something might have been up, because he had the swim team tested last Tuesday, I had my HSG on Friday. I called Monday and left a message..no response..I called Tuesday..nothing. So I called again today (wed) and the nurse did not call me until almost 5.. She read a few things off and told me about the morphology, but said that my doctor would look at everything and call me tomorrow. Errr! Well we wanted answers and we are certainly getting them. Maybe not the ones we want but at least they are answers. Hopefully there is something we can do to improve the morph numbers..

I'm nervous, I feel kind of bad for Josh, he seems to be handling it well, but this whole time I really thought it was me..deep down inside I just felt that it was me, hummm. Well no matter what we will get through this. We have love, family and friends to support us along the way.. I'm going to do a lot of research and just read everything I can to fully understand what we are dealing with. I guess in a way..I found love so easily that it's only normal I would have to work in order to have a child..lol

peace.love.freckles

On a journey to Baby Bliss...

The journey to baby bliss has started...

After about 5 years of trying we’ve had no luck on our own. So rather than continuing to be depressed about the whole situation; I decided it was time to figure everything out. I saw my doctor about a month ago, and pretty much broke down and cried throughout the entire visit. She just sat there and listened patiently as I sobbed and went through several tissues. It was very emotional and relieving at the same time. She said that 5 years was long enough to wait and immediately set me up for hormone testing. So for the past month I’ve had my hormones tested, Josh got his swim team tested on Tuesday of last week, and Friday I went in for an HSG test; to find our whether or not my uterus and fallopian tubes are clear and normal looking. So hopefully Monday or Tuesday I should hear from my doctor so we can go over the tests. I’m praying for good results and possibly something simple to help us…

It’s been deeply emotional and painful to watch all of my friends and family get pregnant and start their own lil families. I ready for it to be our turn. Josh and I have had 12 amazing years together, we’ve had time to really get to know each other and be comfortable with each other, we’ve had lots of fun and are ready to have something else to focus on. We are getting to the stage now where we really feel this emptiness. We have the dog’s and Eva our iguana…but it’s just not enough to fill that hole if ya know what I mean…although I do love my babies (The dogs) they really make my heart melt when I get home and are so excited to see me. lol

It’s going to be an interesting ride to say the least…
So fingers crossed that we get some good news!!

peace.love.freckles

Snow on Christmas Eve..in Texas of all places

Well happy New Year…Actually I really like the sound of Happy 2010, not two thousand and ten but twenty ten, it sounds so very futuristic.
Let’s see…Where to begin?!? I last blogged in Nov...I was having “rogue Freckle” issues. I had my little surgery on Dec 2nd, and had three spots removed. The results turned out to be good. Atypical Junctional Nevus and Atypical compound Nevus. Basically they are mole or birthmarks that resemble Melanoma in many ways but the only way to tell the difference is to have them removed and tested. So I’m in the clear I will see a dermatologist every 6 months to a year. I have about 15 other “Rogue Freckles” that I will keep my eye on. For now I’m healthy and that’s what matters most.For the very first time in my life…I played in the snow on Christmas Eve.. in Texas and woke up to a beautiful winter wonderland. (I even built a snowman) I’m not talking a few flurries…I’m talking a real snow fall of more than an inch. It was amazingly beautiful. Josh and I had the day off and spent it lounging around the house, peering out our glass patio door, giggling like kids and letting lose adult squeals of complete and utter joy. For a moment...We were kids all over again. We watched as the wind blew snow off the roof into a swirl the size of a mini tornado. Our backyard backs up to a creek and there are no houses behind us, so it looked fabulous there are almost no words to explain how it made me feel inside..I have to say buying a house, having a Halloween party, hosting thanksgiving at our place and Snow on Christmas, not too shabby…2009 ended on a very good note. I worked New Years Eve (a hotel never sleeps) and got off at 11:30ish…I made it home just in time to grab a glass of wine, have a puff and kiss my lover a Happy 2010!!

peace.love.freackles

Out danm spot!!

What a day…I barely slept last night with everything on my mind…not to mention I stayed up late watching my shows :)...Josh is the best; he makes sure my Sunday shows are ready when I get home from my night shift… plus I had to get up way to early today this morning. Yuck! I’m not the best morning person. So I picked my mom up at 9:30 and we drove across town for my appointment with the plastic surgeon. I have to say I really like him better then the dermatologist that I saw a few weeks back…This guy was very informative and I felt comfortable in his presence. When I saw the Dermatologist he stood by the door most of the time he was talking with me, as if he had a hot lunch date to catch. He was nice…but I just didn’t care for his bedside manor if you get my point. The plastic surgeon looked at the spot on my back and said (That needs to come off as soon as possible) I was relieved and scared all at the same time. I’m glad he’s taking it off sooner rather then later...I also showed him a spot on my left wrist and left shoulder. The dermatologist threw me for a loop and his anxiousness to leave the room and kind of left me overwhelmed…so I never showed him any other spots I was concerned about. But the surgeon saw them and has decided to take them at the same time. So Wednesday morning I have surgery at around 8:00 in the morning. I have to be there at 6:45…double yuck!! They will sedate me and do an excision with margins on all three and then they will send them off to be tested. I’m hoping, praying, and trying to stay positive about this…but I have to say I don’t think I’ll be able to rest easy until I get the results back..I have no idea how long that will take. I’m sure I will find out Wednesday…I guess the only plus side is that I’ll get a few extra days off work and some good pain meds...hehe Josh is going to take me to the hospital..I’m so glad I have him. I’ve been at his side through all his medical hiccups, hospitals visits and surgeries…Guess it’s his turn now :) But I wouldn’t have it any other way he is my very best friend and I know he’ll take great care of me.




peace.love.freckles

Thanksgiving, Homeownership and Spots

Well...we closed on our house October 16th it was a great day, Miranda turned 2, Family was in town from Louisiana...and overall it was just amazing. I feel so grown up now hehe...We are officially homeowners ane we've done our part to help the housing market..haha It’s been amazingly awesome to have so much room...a nice big kitchen, a laundry room and a back patio to sit and enjoy the beauty of nature. The dogs love the dog door and the cat finally learned how to come in on her own. She was in shock for the first week; I knew when it got cold she would come in…and she did!

For the first time in 5 years I got thanksgiving off work so Josh and I hosted Thanksgiving at our house and it was perfect. Words can’t fully explain how happy I felt to have everyone there with us, the Cowboys won, we had wine, the kids watched movies and everyone was happy and full by the end of the day...it was truly one to remember. The food was great and the company even better. I’m so thankful to have such a supportive and loving family!

In other news…I recently went to a dermatologist for a spot on my lower back. I’ve had it all my life, only over the past year I’ve noticed a change in size, shape and color…So he’s referred me to a plastic surgeon…He believes it’s a possible melanoma. So I go tomorrow at 10:15 in the morning. My mom’s going to go with me…She went with me for my first visit to the Dermatologist. I’ve had an entire week to let it eat at me and drive my brain insane…I also have a depression in my skin; on my hip that has a white color…not like my normal pale skin, it makes my butt muscle sore..lol. My dermatologist said it’s Morphea which is a form of localized scleroderma, or lupus…It kind of took my by surprise. I’ve done a bit of research on it which honestly hasn’t been that helpful. The internet is not good for anyone with a health issue they are worried about…It will make you think you have everything known to man!! Which is what I’ve done to myself most of this week…I haven’t really talked a lot about it...Just here and there…but let me tell you it’s been on my mind every waking minute of my days this past week. I’m nervous. My mother has had two episodes of Superficial Spreading Melanoma…they caught it early on her chest, and told her that if she had waited more than a week for the one on her leg that it would have spread through out her lymph nodes..Scary!! So I’m keeping my fingers crossed that it’s just a pre-cancer meaning it doesn’t have active cancer cells…or if it is cancerous…I’m hoping that I didn’t wait too long…I have an appointment with an ENT on the 8th of December to have my lymph nodes checked out in my neck..I’ve got two swollen nodes...they’ve been swollen for over a year…I got a biopsy done a year ago and the doc said it was probably just an infection in my body collecting in my nodes, he gave me an antibiotic but it did nothing..So when I asked my dermatologist...He referred me to an ENT to have a thorough check up. I’ve had vertigo off and on for the last month so hopefully he can tell me what’s up. I know I probably sound like I’m falling apart or maybe even a little like a hypochondriac haha.... I’ve been so awful to my self...I haven’t been to a doctor unless I was dying of the flu since about 3 years ago..I stopped caring about my health and just didn’t think about taking care of me…but times are changing…Because if I want to live to be old and gray..Then I need to take the appropriate steps to maintain my health now. Any-who that’s my update wish me luck tomorrow!!

peace.love.freckles

The leaves are falling

Breathing in the beauty that is emerging from this Autumn tale, my soul is awakened from a thick summer sleep. The leaves are falling in brilliant fashion; the ultimate symbol of change. I am ready for it, I have been ready and I will greet my changing life with an open mind and soul. Change has been knocking on my door for some time now, a sweet tap that will not go unnoticed. The air is crisp, cool and whips my hair wildly around my face.
I look out into the multi faceted world that surrounds me and I see that beauty is hiding everywhere, waiting to be discovered, yearning to be written about and photographed. Mother Earth holds many wondrous secrets in her pockets. I wonder about many things; often the future. I question most everything and wonder how life will be different as I become brittle, grey and wrinkled. This life we are so delicately weaved into, crosses many mountains,wades many rivers, and staggers across vast desserts along the way. Don't you have to look forward to live life instead of looking back? I am saddened inside to see those chained to their past, frightened by God's wrath and fury..frightened at the thought of an unyielding loneliness...Yes, it is helpful to look back and understand a life lived then, who we are, and why we are who we've become. What about now? What about living life today with compassion, justice, truth and integrity, living with your head held high instead of buried in your tear stained hands. So many are being pulled under by the nasty current that is our media, our government and radical religious bigots...The media steals away your thoughts and replaces it with a mind numbing drug called "Social Opinions". Government bullies and and Self Richous Religious leaders want your money and care nothing about your personal gain, but you brought money for collection today..your a good person even if you don't have food to feed your family...Does our society care nothing for the people that keep it running... I used to believe that an opinion was a great thing to have, it was something you owned, something you created, something powerful! Now days, opinions are being forced down our throats every which way. It makes me sad in a way that I can't really express. What ever happened to "If you can't say something nice then don't say anything at all". Watching the news is no longer informative, it's a money and power hungry machine that slowly eats your soul. You don't even know it's happening until you stop, step back and take a good look. I stopped watching TV about 6 months ago...it has been a blessing. TV shows are great don't get me wrong I love several shows but I get them online and bypass all the bull shit in the middle...Life doesn't need another opinion..Life needs action, people to stand firm and walk the walk instead of just talking to talk...Life is begging for transition, the people scream out for understanding and compassion.

House round 2

The Palm tree and big front window


The Front


Hall Bath


Cute Mirror :)


Entrance to front living area from front of house


Second living area looking into kitchen
and a sliding glass door behind the blinds


Kitchen looking into living area


This kitchen is really good size
I cant wait to cook in it..


Covered back patio to sit outside during a rain storm :)



Roxy and Daisy..oh yea and Bloomberg, are gonna love this yard!


I'm in love with this house..keep your fingers crossed for us!!

Always.Me!

Dear Fall, I missed you..welcome back :)

An awesome storm rolled into town earlier this evening...it’s was thunderous, angry, and full of lightning…it was truly beautiful. There were some strange clouds in the sky. Driving back to work it was just so weird…I don’t usually see clouds like that, but that’s because fall has arrived!! I know it’s only about an hour past midnight. To me it’s officially the start of fall, or…autumn, which ever you choose to call it.I have been waiting for the season change…like a kid waiting for Christmas...My life is changing right now and the seasons are changing with me, or I’m just changing with them lol…All I know is that I am ready for change and I’m ready for windy days, leaves crunching beneath my feet, sweaters and Halloween…Oh, I can’t wait till Halloween…I know most people don’t consider it an actual Holiday but in the mind of the “Crito” yes I’m referring to myself in third person with a nick name ha!...hehe Halloween is the best Holiday!!! Then comes; Thanksgiving and Christmas. I love the end of the year…So needles to say I have been ready for this season change a bit longer than I should naturally be. Now it’s here, like a present waiting on the porch when you get home from a day…Excitement fills you as the cool wind whips across your face and the smell in the air…Ahh…such a beautiful season :) Okay, so we made an offer on another house last Friday, they did: a counter offer, and today they accepted our offer!! I was dead asleep; Jocelyn called at 8:30 am I tried as hard as I could to sound awake, somewhat, at least. So we’re going Round #2 on this house stuff… I’m excited, a little nervous, but extremely anxious…I’m ready to get this done and over with. If all goes well we should close mid October. Maybe we’ll be there in time to have a Halloween house warming party. I can only hope. Also, I’ve never lived somewhere that I could give out candy to the neighbor hood kids!! I can’t wait to see them all dressed up, it will be a lot of fun. I’ve been a little reluctant to let my self get completely consumed in this new house but I know it’s already happening. Its super cute, has a palm tree in the front yard…haha I used to always tell Josh I wanted a palm tree. I never expected to find a house with one already there. It has a huge kitchen, 4 bedrooms, separate laundry room, new appliances, new paint and carpet, counter tops…1 and a half bath, big backyard and a wooded area behind us. Oh…and a creek that runs along the back wooded area. I’m in love of course, I’m keeping my fingers crossed…Other then that things are good, I’ happy and ready to get moved…I’m going to six flags this weekend with my best girlfriend Sarah, I love her she’s a truly great friend, I’m lucky she thinks I’m cool too. Hahah I feel so loved heheh...can’t wait.

Peace.love.freckles

Craving Autumn

It has been raining for the last five days and I couldn't be happier. Some of the leaves are falling and changing colors, fall is beginning to show it's pretty face. Rain is mentally therapeutic to me… And it’s the greatest gift I could have received after last week’s brutal slap in the face. the rain has been quietly falling… steadily calming my soul all the while, it's been gray and gloomy while the sun takes a break. I let my self get way too attached..to that damn house...the 9th of September came and went like a cool front on the edge of a sweltering summer day
To our bewilderment the seller decided that he did not want to sell his house and changed his mind a few days before closing...so we are out about 500 bucks, and our emotions have been on an extra bumpy ride, a bit more bumpier than expected. There were many tears…then of course we were just pissed off beyond belief, then there was the bashing of the house (you know listing all the reasons you secretly didn’t like the house) haha we were just blindsided and didn’t quite know how to deal with it. So now we are back on the hunt …It’s frustrating to know we are starting over….But there’s not really a lot we can do about it…except suck it up and keep looking ahead...we'll find another house...perhaps it will be even better then the Bonny Wayne house...All I know is I'm glad to have some rain and a lot of it too! It's been very dry .and now everything is so green and pretty. It almost looks fake to look out and see the green trees and vibrant color of flowers that dot the yards.. I truly love this time of year :)something about it soothes my soul and makes me feel connected as a human to the world around me and the beauty that consistently cradles my creative imagination..and in a sense connected to the giant ocean of living consciousness..I'm more soulfully awake during the last part of the year..during the spring and summer months I am not action oriented..I' more contemplative and observant. I am ready for the season change. Oh, how my mind and soul crave the Autumn and Winter months.

peace.love.freckles

On my way home...

On my way back home...the sun was beautiful..

Iguanas and spaceships

For the last week I’ve been having some very crazy dreams…lol I mean have tons of dreams usually. I’ve had a lot on my mind lately so...they’ve just been extra weird. The first dream I had was Sat night…Now keep in mind, I went to a friends birthday party and had two shots of Jaeger at the end of the night…something that you know...”might have attributed to my freaky dreams”. Anna was in my dream (she is my oldest best friend...not old as in wrinkled and menopausal, old as in, of all my friends she’s the one that’s been my friend the longest” We were sitting in a room getting ready to go somewhere, she seemed upset at me, or at something not in words but in facial expressions. She was quiet and sitting on the floor at the other side of the bed. I was picking off some sticky letters that were on the side of the suitcase I was sitting next to. It was blue and in white letters it said “White Paint”… I was pealing off the letters for that said paint…we were departing…something wasn’t right. While we are sitting there I am snacking on a bag of something I’ve never eaten in real life. The food was fruit flavored but had the texture of cheese puffs. The pieces were big, palm sized, they were shaped like the fruit they portrayed, only they were not juicy; they were crunchy and stuck to the inside of your teeth…it was an odd texture but tasted just like real fruit.
The next night (Sunday) I dreamt about an old pet that passed away in 2005. “The Freak” an Iguana that Josh acquired before we got married...He was a little guy back then, by the time he passed on he was about 5’5” he was huge…He escaped during the spring and lived out the summer in our backyard and the neighbors front tree. The first freeze that year he didn’t make it. So I dreamt the other night that I had moved into my house and I had this great huge porcelain tub sitting in my bathroom…I came from the other room holding an iguana, which to me was the freak in “dream-form”…as if he came to visit me...I picked him up and oddly he wasn’t scratching or trying to get loose…I drew a bath of a lukewarm water…I set him at the edge to the tub and let him slide slowly into the bath, he swam with such peace, swimming gracefully back and forth, diving into the water and swishing his body like a snake, .his pudgy arms straight at his side. He then turned into a cartoon type character, turned over on his back and looked up at me with a smile on his face….it made me giggle, and I felt overjoyed with happiness…it’s as if he had a human spirit and consciousness...he was happy to be in the water and happy to see me!

My last dream was early Tuesday morning…The most intense of my dreams this week..I won’t go into much detail. Only because there is a lot to go along with it…For the most part...there was an invasion on earth, spaceships in the sky, I was freaked out, trying to find cover…I was so wigged out at one point I was sitting on the ground trying to dig a hole that I could hide in. there were thousands of lights above my head each one a mother ship…there were people running, missiles flying…it was totally crazy, insane and quite possibly could have made a great movie had I been able to remember all of the details...So that’s it for my dreams this week. I’m sure there will be many more, since I started all of this house stuff...my brain has been very active at night...it’s kinda been fun, a little creepy here and there…but nevertheless entertaining to my mind

Happy dreaming...

peace.love.freckles

oh cloudy day

If you did not know or had not figured out by now...I love the sky, the clouds..and of course the Sun, Moon and Stars, they have been triggers for some of life's deepest curiosities and the most profound mysteries...I keep my camera with me at all times...just in case I need to pull over and catch some life's natural beauty...This morning was one of those days. I got up at 9:00am to meet Jocelyn my Realtor at the house...We scheduled a foundation inspection and all went well...The clouds in the sky today were truly amazing, they had me in a trance..with their stunning beauty...My pictures don't do justice to what the sky painted me today...but I snapped some photo's anyway The other night Josh and I got to see some of the Perseid meteor shower!! It was awesome..it happens every August. I went out at Midnight and it was too cloudy..then at 1:30 still a little cloudy...then we went out at 3:00am, we popped open the tail gait of the truck and both just laid down starring up into the great unknown...we were out there a good 10 minutes and then it happened...a huge meteor shot across the sky; I gasped and sat straight up clutching my chest. It gives me chills to see something like that..it was so neat so much bigger than all the little things in life, things are happening out there while we just go about our business down here. In all we saw 3 that night. Had we not lived in the city we could have seen many more..But I was satisfied with what we got to see. I will never forget it! It was great to experience that with my Pnut(Josh) making memories is a lot of fun! As a kid I would beg my papa to stay up late when there was a lunar eclipse. He bought a telescope and we always looked to the skies for enjoyment...I was so curious about space and the skies when I was young..it's something I never grew out of. I miss my grandfather. He was an open minded man back then..only I was to young to know or even understand..I wish I could see him now..it would be amazing to talk to him about all the things I've learned over the years..how I've continued to love space even after he left us so long ago, to tell him we have lil robots on Mars..I can see him grinning now :o)..I can remember always waiting and waiting and then falling asleep on the couch..he'd come running into the living room "It's time get up..it's time to come see" We drove my grandmother crazy I'm sure... I'd be half asleep with my hair a mess, and my brain still vaguely swimming in dream land..and after just a moment of peaking into the telescope I lit up like a star, danced on the porch and threw my arms in air ..I would get so excited and just stand there in amazement looking into the sky....I really didn't realize how much my heart missed him until now we have some good memories...this one's for you papa!

peace.love.freckles

Chasing sunsets

This evening I drove through the cemetery on the way home from dropping my brother off. It was kind of weird; I didn't plan it..I just kinda wound up there chasing the sunset.I have been serving as "Local Taxi" to my family over the last several months, my brother has his rehab classes, my grandmother her gazillion doctors appointments, and my dad with his strokes and needing to go to the grocery store at the most inconvenient times..they are a mess..But with great love and the deepest affection I say to you "they are my mess...they drive me crazy, but I love them with all my heart" and I offered to help when my Bro went to rehab..It was one of the stipulations of him going, we kinda made a deal..but hey it's been the best damn deal we've made in a very long time..I'm proud of him..he's staying strong and doing well, taking it day by day..I remember saying "If you go and lose your car (which he did) I will help you no matter what happens" Of course I was being Lil Big sis, and needed to swoop in and take action..I just didn't realize how big of a task it would be..especially when you are in the middle of trying to buy a house. So on day's like today I say to myself.."I got him into rehab it's my duty to see him through recovery" that's what family is for..plus he needs all the support he can get..he has a lot on his plate..
On my way home I was starring face to face with a beautiful sunset, it was speaking to me, painting a beautiful picture that my mind was getting lost in. It was talking to my soul, and the song's on the radio were sent from the Radio Gods just for me, it was a perfect moment, I felt at peace with myself for the first time in a while...a good feeling deep within that things are going to work out no matter what..things will happen even if it takes them a while. One of those moments when I'd look out into the sky and realized that my life was moving and the sunset was moving and I had to catch it, we are all apart of everything, my life has been moving all along the whole time..I just didn't stop to realize it. With the house thing I am totally in tune with my responsibilities at the moment, it feels good, I feel good..and very focused haha..That is a really good feeling. My life is no longer standing still..but in fact change is upon me, blowing all around..
That is why I had the urge to chase the sun and get my inspirational motivation in picture form. Josh forbids me to go down to the river at sunset alone so I make do with parking lots and such...It's not too bad :o) I used to stomp my foot in protest and of course say "I'm an adult I can take care of myself, just because I'm a woman you think I am weak, blah blah blah" overtime I guess I'm starting to realize he really is just looking out for me..and doesn't want anything to happen to my well being.It's sweet in a romantic kinda way and sometimes I just feel so irked at hearing those words.."You're going down there?!?..at this time?!?..by yourself!!" I can laugh about it now because I have no need to take my camera, throw on my granny shades and sit by the river taking pictures of things I really wish were giant mountains and sandy beaches. Driving through Mt Olivet cemetery was quite an interesting and peaceful experience..I never knew how big it was...never did I imagine it was that large..from the street it looks small, neat and quiet a little like one of those cemetery's you see in the movies, except it wasn't cloudy and it wasn't cold or rainy. It was quiet, emerald green..it was quite peaceful...I drove all the way to the back so I would not offend anyone there morning for their lost loved one's or who knows cursing their loved one's for leaving them with debt or crazy greedy kids..what ever they were feeling I was not about to be apart of it..and I didn't want them to see me and wonder what this crazy woman with a camera is doing driving up and down the street's stopping for a few seconds only to stop again a few feet ahead..I was chasing that perfect spot.. that perfect shot..I don't think I found it..but being there..something about it was captivating..I really can't explain it..it was just oddly soothing to be there for a moment..so many tall and full trees, with the sunset peaking through in little patches..it was a beautiful place. If I wanted to buried I guess I wouldn't mind being placed 6ft under one of those big green shade trees...and the grass...ohhh the grass was so green..I almost wanted to take my shoes off and go walk through it..but I thought that might look a little strange...



peace.love.freckles