Crushed..

Clomid was definitely not the miracle drug for us :( I was really hoping this month would have been it for us… I figured it would have made the most wonderful Christmas present. But instead I sit here with tears in my eye’s wondering if this will ever happen for us. I’m angry, sad, disappointed, frustrated..and a little broken inside. I woke up this morning and took a pregnancy test and it was a BFN. I immediately went back to bed, and then got up in the most depressed mood and then the cramps started. So…no bun in the oven for us this time. My heart feels extremely heavy and every time I think of it my eye’s start to tear up, it crushes my heart every time. I’m at work currently and just wish I could go cry in the bathroom until it’s time to go home. I will probably cry the entire way home. I will feel better when I can just cry it all out… I’m glad I found out today rather then Christmas day…that was my original plan…to take the test on that day. I decided today that I’d rather be depressed before Christmas not on that day. I’m mad and sad…and frustrated…that I had to deal with all those stupid hot flashes for nothing…ugh! I hate this. I’m tried of people saying “be patient, it will happen when it happens” It’s so easy for women who already have babies to say that. I know it’s not their fault…it just stings because I’ve been patient for several years already. I know people are just tying to be nice and supportive... and I guess there is really nothing anyone can say to make it okay. I need a strong drink after today.